Just Surviving... One Day at a Time

That's all I can manage. Night time is my favorite time - I can knock a whole 10 hours of this misery out in one shot. The days are just torture. I feel very sorry to anyone that has to deal with the terrible monster that I've become, esp Ryan and Rory.

Don't mind me, Ill just be hiding out for the next 2 months till this all magically disappears.

Just to document, threw up for the first time today. Walked into the house, and couldnt stand the smell of it. Walked right back out and lost my cookies.

Can I Get a Refund???

So everything was going great after I found out for about 2 weeks. I thought, gee is everything ok? Im not really getting any symptoms and I remember getting lots last time! Then at 6 weeks I started to feel pretty freaking sick. Then for the last week its gotten terrible. Sooo tired, going to bed at like 8pm and very nauseous.

This week was Thanksgiving. SOoooo wonderful we spent it with Ashley & Dylan, and invited my family. It was the best Thanksgiving my mom had ever remembered, and Ashley and her mom Trish did such a great job with the food and the decorating! I was able to eat that day, although I didnt eat a lot. Then on Sat we went to Ryan's mom's house and I felt terrible. I was on the couch the whole time and threw a hissy fit about the water cause I could taste mildew in it. Sunday was a brunch with the VM Clan then ornament party for the girls. I made a breakfast casserole/bread pudding dish that is sooo yummy normally but cooking it made me almost lose my cookies. At brunch Elly made really good waffles and I ate them with whipped cream and fresh fruit. YUM. Nothing else was really appetizing to me though. I felt good enough to do the crafts, and luckily there were not any strange smells to compete with throughout the process. Then when we packed up to go home I lifted the lid to my casserole to see how much was left and it was enough to send me over the top. I almost threw up right there and had to run outside and catch my breath before coming back inside. Luckily Alyssa agreed to take it for me cause I couldnt stomach the thought of even having to bring that rotting carcass home. It was bad enough that the house still smelled like it when we got home.

Ryan has been a saint and Ive pretty much told him he'll be a single parent taking care of two kids for the next 3 months till this all goes away. I love that man.

I am so miserable I began to wonder if it was this bad last time; surely I would have never wanted to have another kid if I had to go through this once before and would have to again for a second kid.... Well lucky I started my blog at the beginning last time and have record of it. Some excerpts:

10 Weeks: "Still feeling very weak and physically exhausted all the time. Been gagging a lot. Threw up for the first time on Saturday. Not feeling as nauseas as weeks 6 & 7 though. Can’t wait to feel better, to start cooking, cleaning and walking again. The house is a mess, I miss cooking and I know the fresh air would be good for me."

12 Weeks: "Well I don’t feel as weak anymore, but I still feel awful. Food is my enemy. I am gagging over everything and if I go too long without eating, I get sick to my stomach. It’s the worst at night. I woke up at 2am starving. I ate a cracker but it was too late already and I threw up. Dinner was long since digested, so it was just bile and a cracker, but still wasn’t fun! I ate more crackers after with some water and was fine till morning."

Oh God, things were exactly this bad last time! I've been duped! Can I get a refund? I was just kidding I didnt really want to go through this again! Ill wait till I have enough money to pay someone else to do this... Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! One thing's for sure - Pregnancy Amnesia is a for real occurrence. Honestly. If we remembered how terrible this all was we would never do it again. Unless you are just a total whore and dont have any pregnancy symptoms. If thats you at least pretend you are in pain for your own sake. Or else I'll come after you with my last ounce of energy.

According to last time I should be mostly done with the morning sickness by 16 weeks. However, the other ones Im terrified of (the migraines especially). Im already experiencing the stuffy sinuses and the cotton in my ears. I thought at first it was allergies or a cold but then my blog reminded me it was the increased blood flow to my mucus membranes... Seriously I guess I was way more read up last time than this time. Good thing I have me to reference back to. lol.

Here We Go Again!

My period was due on 11/20. Friday, Nov 19th was boy's poker night at Ashley and Dylan's house. All the girls and kids were over while the boys played away (Elly with Brayden, Nicole with Luke, me with Aurora, and Alyssa - Reese is still cooking in her tummy and Ashley was out of town with Boston).

We were discussing if Nicole and I were pregnant yet (Elly, Alyssa and Ashely are all pregnant, Nicole and I had just that month started "trying"). Nicole said she was sure she wasnt but asked if I was. I said I didnt know cause I didnt take a test yet! They gave me trouble, but I responded that I wasnt due till the next day, and didnt want to take a test till I would know for sure; I didnt want to get a negative test then have to take another one to make sure I wasnt pregnant. They wouldnt take no for an answer, so upstairs I went to go take my test.

I had for sure had a few "symptoms" (cried during the Lion King in Vegas, got nauseous for a random morning on that same trip, was crazy hungry that same trip) but nothing that was so obvious that I could say for sure. Plus, I couldn't be pregnant: it was too soon. It was only the first month we were "trying"! And I was supposed to be ovulating for Halloween based on my cycle, but based on what I could tell I ovulated that week before (Oct 25-28 somewhere). We did have sex twice that week, but what were the chances?

Well as long as it took for those thoughts to go through my head, up pops the positive line on the test. "You have got to be freaking kidding me!" I yell. Everyone goes crazy downstairs "Oh my gosh you are pregnant!!!!!!!!!" Shaking I run down the stairs disbelieving. Seriously, first month off the bat again?

So then we all discuss how I should tell Ryan and we decided the best thing would be to tell him right then and there in the middle of boy's poker night. This is how it went down:

Sorry, Another Month Passed...

Ok I know. I haven’t blogged since Oct 6th and this is long overdue. And the only reason is because my computer at work got a virus on it and is scanning (a 3 hour process) and I cant do anything without my desktop.

Anyway, LOTS has happened since my last post. Rory cut like 4 more teeth and now almost has a full set. All her left side came in at once now the other side is following behind. Shes only missing like 3 up front now on that right side. Its so funny to see her with a full mouth of teeth after her not getting her first tooth until like 10 months. She is talking more and more now too. Her only really good 2 syllable word though is “Gran-pa”. And Wayne couldn’t be more proud. Shes SOOO independent now, wanting to do every little thing herself and if you even try to help in the slightest she flips out and wants to abandon the project all together. Its like she’s saying, “if your hands even so much as touch this, I don’t want any part in it!” We have moved her bedtime back to 7:30pm since she was waking up earlier, and she has ditched the afternoon nap on most days. Its hard to get her to sit down for a full meal – she prefers to snack slowly on things throughout the day as she goes about her business.

My mom has been a saint – coming for the one Friday a month that Ryan does not have off to watch Rory so I don’t have to take a vaca day… taking Rory for the weekend while we run away to Vegas… taking her the full weeks that our sitter is off but we still have to work. Like this week. As my mom said the other day, “Im watching your kid as much lately as you are!” lol. It’s a nice treat to suddenly have an open schedule, but then there are those moments when it hits you and you just wish they were there to squeeze and kiss and snuggle. (All the while they are screaming and pushing you away to leave them alone and put them down). So here’s my shout out and big THANKS to my mom, even though she doesn’t read this thing anymore.

Now we turn to the holidays! Im very excited for Rory’s first Christmas that she will actually be “participating” in. Last year she played with the wrapping paper, and that was about it. This year we will be buying her a few gifts and she will get to help decorate, (trying to convince her to leave all the nick-knacks alone and not play with and break them).