She's Here!!! Aurora's Birth Story

Well, as my psychic powers predicted, Aurora had intentions of coming early. (Ok, so with Luke, Hazel, Boston, Keira and Aurora all earlier than their due dates, I am calling the whole "first borns go late" thing a myth.) Anyway, Monday was my last day of work. Tuesday, May 5th was to be my first day off; 2 weeks before the due date. And before I start my story, let me just say that as much of a planner as I am, I had prepared myself and tried to keep an "anything can happen" mentality going into this. And I just want to thank my amazing daughter Aurora, because she orchestrated the most amazingly timed course of events I could have imagined...

As previously posted, I had noticed changes the evening of the 4th and that morning of the Monday, the 5th and knew she would be coming sooner than later, but didn't know how soon. My wonderful co-workers took me out to lunch at my choice restaurant (BJ's) for my last day of work, and promptly at 12:45pm, just after they served Pazookies for dessert, my water broke - I begin to feel something slide down my canal, which I immediately think is the rest of the mucous plug or something like that... but then it feels like I am peeing in a pool and have no control over it, and water starts to pool in the chair I am sitting in and over the side down on the ground. 

I turn to Shelly, who was sitting next to me and say, "I think my water just broke." Everybody starts to get all hyped, and ask what we do. I say, "We finish our damn Pazookies!" Knowing that it would probably be my last good meal in a while, and the fact that I was not in active labor yet and it would probably be a long drawn out process, I was in no hurry to leave one of the best desserts ever un-eaten, especially when someone else was paying! So I make a few basic calls (Ryan, my Mom and Cheryl), we finished up, (all the while the janitor guy is trying to mop up behind me probably thinking I am absolutely crazy for acting so nonchalant about peeing my pants) and head out front. Most people would be really embarrassed by this, but hey, what are you going to do? Besides, how cool is that - my last day of work, out to lunch with all my favorite ladies from work, my water breaks and we all have a good laugh, and they get to share that part of Aurora's birth with me. We take a few pics (above) and then head back to the office. I grab the rest of my things at the office (lucky I was already pretty much packed up for the day) and head home to meet Ryan.

I get home, and we call the birth center, since Ryan is concerned that my water breaking requires more immediate action than I am giving the situation (I wasn't in any rush since the contractions hadn't really started yet), and they basically say to take my time coming in, not to rush, but to come in as soon as is comfortable. Take a shower, and we pack the hospital bag. Still not having any noticeably closer or regular contractions (although I was not really paying that much attention at this point - too hyped from my water breaking and trying to pack things up, etc.)

Finally get to the hospital around 3:30pm. My Mom is on her way to the hospital, Cheryl has a dentist apt at 3pm that I told her she might as well go to anyway, and Diana is already there, since she thought the water breaking meant that things were already well on their way (her water didn't break until much further in the labor process and didn't realize they didn't always happen in the same order). Ryan drops me off and goes to park the car, I find Diana and she checks into the birth center with me. They have me strip and find some of the amniotic fluid (which is still leaking little bits here and there) to make sure that is what it was, Ryan shows up somewhere in the middle of this, and then they take me to my room. By now I am starting to get regular contractions, about every 10 min. The floor was empty at the time, so I end up getting one of the two biggest rooms they have there, (which we will need later on in the story).

We get settled, and throughout the afternoon, my Mom, Cheryl, Little Diana, Brian, Blake, Nathan and Melinda all arrive to keep me company as my contractions settle pretty quickly to every 5 minutes, but are completely bearable. Everyone wants to know how far along I am, but since my water broke already and I seem to be fairly comfortable (translation: still a long way to go) the midwives are not going to check on things yet. This is frustrating for everyone, because they all want to know how far along I am! (I can read their faces, and they are saying, "look like you are in pain so they will check you!" What they tell the nurses is that I have a high pain threshold and I could be further along than they think... the nurses don't buy it - I'm sure they have seen it a million times before. One of them says actually women with high tolerance have a harder time with labor, because they are not used to things hurting; and childbirth surprises them and then they have a harder time than people who know they have a hard time with pain and are expecting/prepared for it to be really painful.)

The contractions progress through the evening, and night. At about 2am, they are getting pretty painful, and I am no longer joking around with everyone, or assigning pain scale levels to each contraction. Using my breathing techniques and just pacing around, I get through each contraction as it comes. At this point, I want to get checked. So they do, and she is "low" in my pelvis, I am 80% effaced and 2cm dilated. Great. Still a LONG way to go. But we are all happy that she is progressing. One of the nurses ask me if I want to try taking a shower. This sounds great to me, so Ryan gets on his swim trunks and I walk across the hall to the shower that has been prepared for me. OMG a shower never felt so good. I labor in the shower for 2 solid hours, with my breathing coach, Ryan right there with me. Contractions even stronger, and I get out as they are getting intense enough that I need some massage to deal with the back labor. Cheryl is the only one who seems to be able to massage my muscles hard enough, and of course Ryan continues charge of breathing. (My Mom says that he had every woman in the room breathing per his instructions!) My favorite position for the contractions settles to be bending over the foot of the bed with lots of pillows, Cheryl grinding my back into mush, Ryan in front of me directing my breathing and each of my hands squeezing his two middle fingers like I am on the ride of my life (and incidentally, I am.)

At 5am, I am pretty much beside myself. The pain is extremely intense with each contraction, and I have been laboring for about 12 hours at this point, with no sleep. I am exhausted and decide that I want some pain medication. The midwife says that if I want pain medication, then I can't set up the hydro-tub to labor in (since the meds will make me a little loopy) and I am far enough along its basically one or the other. I think about it for about a mili-second, and opt for the meds. They need to check me to see how dilated I am before they do the IV to administer the meds. Ok, at least we will know how far along I am; 5cm dilated, 100% effaced, she is at station -1! Yay, that means things are really progressing, (at least the pain is not for nothing!). They give me some phenergan (an anti-histamine like a benedryl that can make you sleepy but also helps with nausea) and nubain (for pain - similar to demarol). OMG it's amazing. It really takes off the edge, and after laboring for about 12 hours at this point, all through the night I am so exhausted I fall asleep for about an hour. Ryan does too. Everyone gets a little break... then my contractions wake me back up and it's go time again!

They are manageable now at least - about the same pain level as maybe 2-3cm when I was in the shower... I labor with those for a few hours, and finally start to get the "urge". Which basically at a certain point, in addition to being extremely painful, they are accompanied by the strong urge to go pee and poop at the same time, and push for all you are worth! So not only do you have to get through the pain of the contraction, but resist the urge too... NOT easy. So by and by I REALLY want to push, so we decide to check me again. 9am, I am 9cm dilated and almost ready to go!!! Somewhere in this process the midwife who was there has to leave for something, and the midwife who was called in to take her place is... RITA!!! I am really out of it by this point and am just glad to have her there. I labor some more and I just about can't stand it anymore, and pretty much at one point just want to start pushing, I don't care how dilated I am, so Rita checks me and we are ready to go; I can start pushing!

I ask her what position is best for controlling the crowning for stretching purposes since I know that will be my biggest problem, and she says lying sideways. So I lay down, Cheryl holding up my right leg, and it's show time. I start pushing sometime around 10:30am, Ryan right up at the top of the bed with me letting me squeeze his hands for stability and strength with every contraction. Eventually she is crowning, and man, does it burn! Rita and I try to control it as best we can, allowing the perineum time to stretch and she keeps putting some kind of gel all over and where my skin is turning white (places it is stretching too much and will rip) she tries to give support by "holding" it together, but eventually we just call it - it's not going to stretch any more, and I want that baby out and on my chest! So for a few contractions I just push for all it's worth, feeling like I am taking the biggest crap of my life and here she comes... Rita catches her and then suddenly she is up on my chest - all wet and warm and crying with big strong lungs. A few minutes later my Mom cuts the cord, and I finally have my baby girl.

(This part I only find out about afterward since I was pretty out of it at the time) I am bleeding more than Rita would like, it's not stopping on it's own, and Rita needs to stitch up my 2nd degree tear, so since we have the handy IV, she gives me some pitocin which I guess helps the uterus contract and stop the bleeding. Then she stitches me up (2 internal 2 external from what Cheryl could see) and I get propped up on the bed to feed her for the first time. We don't even get her weighed and measured for like an hour while we are getting good skin to skin time.

Aurora Lynn Cross

Born 5/5/09 at 11:25am

6lbs, 3oz; 19 inches (they said 18.5 but didn't measure very accurately; at the first ped apt a week later she measured at 19.25 so I am saying 19 from here on out.)

Rita said later that Aurora really did me a favor coming early because a few more weeks and I would have had some very serious tearing. (See, I started this whole thing by saying Aurora had it timed out perfectly from start to finish!)

I forgot to mention that there were about 10 people present at the delivery. Let's see... there was of course Ryan, Cheryl, and Rita (we were all on the bed for the delivery) then watching from around the bed were my Mom, Diana, Carol, Nana, Brian - taking the video, Alyssa, Blake - who had a hard time watching his "sister" spread eagle delivering, did I miss anyone??? All I know is that the only people I was really aware of were the people on the bed with me; I call it the snow globe effect. Ryan, Cheryl, Rita and I were all on the bed inside the snow globe delivering the baby, and outside the snow globe watching the whole thing was everyone else. I knew they were there, but didn't really have any concept of who was there or how many, or what they were doing... It was amazing to be able to share that with them, as they wouldn't normally get the opportunity to do so in a "classic" delivery set up at any other hospital. I can't even express my gratitude to the Birth Center staff, who did such an incredible job, or to UCSD for offering such a wonderful program like the Birth Center for people like me who want that kind of experience.

Anyway, I am sorry this has taken me so long to get up, things have just been crazy and I have been trying to spend as much time with Ryan and Aurora as I can before he goes back to work on Tuesday. I'm going to miss him so much! And it's going to be even harder when I have to go back in the middle of July. Well, enjoy the time while we have it, right? More later...

Any Day Now...

Yesterday Ryan and I went cleaning crazy and cleaned from dawn till dusk. Talk about nesting. Didn't get as much done as I would have liked, but got a lot done none the less.

Well last night Aurora was moving like crazy in the pelvic region (way more than normal) and there was for sure something going on in my soft tissues down there that has not happened before either. I told Ryan something was up.

This morning I woke up with pinkish discharge. (Discharge has been increased for the last week but no blood). Me thinks she's coming sooner than later!

Ryan said if she does decide to come tomorrow, she has a sick sense of humor; his. Being as how I am supposed to be watching Boston for a few hours in the morning, Rick, Cheryl, Blake and Alyssa are all going to Disneyland for Cheryl's Bday, and tomorrow is the ONLY day Kimmy didn't get permission to skip out on her finals/classes for the day if I do go into labor...

The Waiting Game

I had my (probably) last chiropractor appointment this week. Carol told me I was her favorite pregnant patient, since she was able to get a great adjustment out of me even as huge as I am. She said normally mobility in pregnant women especially this late in the game is so restricted and you are all swollen she doesn't get much. It felt so great, even though the drop panel doesn't quite drop enough for my whale of a belly. And thanks to my Mom and Grace for their extremely generous gift certificate there (on TOP of everything they did for my awesome shower!!!).

Today is our weekly apt with Rita. I have a long list of things to ask her about...
-I gained 3lbs this week, wondering if that is anything to be concerned about. (How did that happen? It's not like I ate a big chocolate bunny or anything...)
-Started taking Aciphex last week (finally broke down and wanted to try something different for my heartburn than 10 tums a day; better late than never, right?) and it has been WONDERFUL. I even ate a real dinner last night, and was totally fine!
-Wondering how many first time vaginal births DON'T tear? (Or is that some unicorn story??? Do I even have a chance at it?)
-Want to make sure my ongoing cough (for the last 2 months) is still ok if no other symptoms...

Today is my second to last day at work too, Monday being my last. Very strange, it's really here now. Last night, just as I was in bed thinking "Finally, with work out of the way, I can actually get some stuff done" and mentally going through the list of things I want to do before Aurora comes, and literally right then, Ryan says, "Promise me you will take at least a few hours every day to relax, lay down and do nothing, since I know I can't keep you from doing at least something every day." I married a mind reader. Or am I that transparent??? How can I not be thinking of the dirty bathrooms, un-vacumed and un-swept floors, the unsorted and unwashed baby clothes, the piles of stuff we moved out of Aurora's room into the game room and have not organized... Well I will just take it one day at a time and try not to do too much each day.

Last night Rick and Cheryl came over for his semi-annual hair cut, and to give us the video camera that Rick is second-handing to us. [If anyone knows anything about Ryan's dad, we have a phrase with him called "Ricking it" which means he has to have the top of the line of anything he decides to purchase. And when new technology comes out that is better than what he has but his current stuff still "works" just fine... he finds some excuse to give it to his kids and get the newest, latest and greatest. We couldn't be happier or luckier recipients! And having Aurora is like the best excuse in the world for him to pass his camera on to us, and we are super stoked on it.] I want to get in some good prego footage, and some time of Ryan and I together and the house before Aurora comes. Then of course of the whole process of labor and beyond...

So here we are, playing the waiting game, wondering if she is coming next week, or the following week, or... All I know is that I don't think I can possibly get any bigger, more stuffed or more uncomfortable. I couldn't do twins and I think Octo Mom is the most insane person in the whole world. And I could really go for a rootbeer float right now. I'll have to wait until I get home.

Practically 37 Weeks... Full Term!

Well, tomorrow I will be 37 weeks pregnant, which is technically full term. Everything is becoming really real to me now. This weekend Ryan and I did mostly chores, but took some time to relax and enjoy ourselves too. There is still so much to do though! Whatever we don't get done will just have to wait (maybe forever!).

We visited Nicole and Jason for a little bit. I was so impressed with how together they are; very calm, collected, not frazzled or (seemingly) overwhelmed at all, like I guess I picture most parents to be right out of the gate? It is inspiring and gives me hope that while difficult, everything will all be ok and is doable. Luke is too cute, and I got to hold him a lot. It was crazy thinking that he is smaller out of the womb now than Aurora is not yet out of my stomach! Well she will be growing until she comes out so it all depends on when she is ready to come.

May is crazy and there are a number of family events, between birthdays and Mother's Day, it is strange thinking that for each one, I will either be really really pregnant, or have a newborn.

I am totally convinced she will be coming early, I just don't know how much. Last night I had a really hard time sleeping because Aurora was putting so much pressure on my cervix; I couldn't get in a good position and had to get up several times and pace the room a little. And you can really feel her now... I can feel body parts now where before I could never feel anything but a big swollen belly. The cramping accompanying the Braxton Hicks is getting worse and more frequent (good opportunity for me to practice my breathing exercises) and since Nicole only got through a few days of her Evening Primrose Oil, she gave me the rest of hers and I started those yesterday. Now we are into the once a week visits with the midwives, so we will see, things continue to progress!

Too Many Exciting Things at 36 Weeks

Well yesterday marked 36 weeks (not only getting me to the next big number of 8 months, but also only 1 week away from full term if Aurora is born early). There has been too much excitement and I have to say I am overwhelmed! First, last Sat I had my final shower (the my friends and family one) thrown by Grace (and somehow my Mom and Auntie M. along the way too!) It was so wonderful, with soooo many friends and family that I have not seen in such a long time. It was really terrific to see everyone, and I was just overcome with the love and joy showered upon me by everyone. I am so lucky to have such great friends and family!!! Aurora received a ton of wonderful gifts... not only will she be the best dressed princess in Tierrasanta, but she will have with her forever a number of hand crafted and uniquely beautiful items from people who love her, from mobiles, to blankets and hats, to drawings incorporating her name (By the way, Ashley is commissioning out her work so let me know if you want her to do a piece), etc. What special people I know that took the time and love to create these things and give them to Aurora. And... I we got the carseat!!! (Yes, kind of important), thanks to Venissa, Cindie and Nicole.

SPEAKING of Nicole, she had Luke on Monday evening! Her water broke that morning, and after a pretty long day, finally got Luke out of her tummy and into this world. Happy and healthy 5lbs, 12oz and 18 inches long, he has a FULL head of hair, and is as tiny and adorable as can be. So now Aurora just has to choose which boyfriend she wants, Nicole and Jason's little Luke or Ashley and Dylan's Boston. :0) I am so excited for Nicole, and happy that her long journey is over, as she was pretty uncomfortable these last few weeks of pregnancy.

Then there is me... well there have been a number of changes in my body and in Aurora's movement the last week and a half, so to be better safe than sorry I contacted the midwife on call. She had me come on in this afternoon to do a non-stress test, and get an ultrasound to make sure everything was ok. Well, everything is! Thank goodness. The test showed that her heartrate is normal, and she is moving as much as she should be. We could see in the ultrasound that she is head down (already knew that) and was practicing sucking and sticking out her tongue, and look at those nice full lips! (We know what side she got those from). She was practicing breathing ("flexing" her lungs), something that babies in distress don't have the energy to do, and my levels of amniotic fluid were normal. And if she had to guess today how big Aurora is, she would say on the upperhand of 5lbs (almost 6). So it sounds like she will probably be somewhere between 6 and 7 lbs at birth, I would think. SOOOO that was all excellent news! And of course, better safe than sorry. :0)

So now that things are all calmed down, showers are over, social obligations are done for now, Ryan and I are going to keep the calendar FREE for just relaxing, clean up, and the last peace and quiet we will have together for a long time to come.

Top 10 Things I Can't Wait to do Again

10. Look down and be able to see my cooch.
9 1/2. Be able to shave it myself.
9. Have access to an expanded wardrobe.
8. Wear cute heels.
7. Drive home without having to do Kegals.
6. Sleep without an entourage of pillows placed just so.
5. Sit in one position for more than 5 minutes without getting uncomfortable.
4. Laugh or cough without peeing my pants, literally. (Yes, thats what the pantyliners are for besides uber amounts of discharge. TMI? Too bad.)
3. Eat a big huge burger and fries at 7pm and not worry about it coming back up and choking on it in my sleep at 11pm.
2. Go for a run at black's beach, get all sweaty and get my heart rate up.

And, the number one thing I can't wait to do again.....

1. Have GREAT sex again.

Smiles at 34 weeks

Well there is no doubt that I am pregnant now; I have long passed the questioning "Well she sure looks pregnant, but you never know and I'm not going to say something and be wrong" looks and now have moved into the "Wow, due any day now, huh?" outright comments. "Nope, still have 6 weeks to go." I reply... and to that, "Jeez, you sure you don't got twins in there???" lol. Yeah lady, I'm pretty sure they would have caught it at the first or second ultrasound, or heard multiple heartbeats with the doppler at any of my last 6 appointments. But thanks for asking. :0)

But I am glad at least you can tell. A friend was telling me that someone she knew was 6 months pregnant and you couldn't even tell; she was so excited for the baby bump, and for people being nice and smiling and holding doors for you, etc... but if you don't look pregnant, you aren't going to get that, are you? I had not thought of that before. I guess while I am uncomfortable beyond belief, my feet ache, my tailbone hurts, my back is sore, I feel like I have to go pee 24/7 whether I actually do or not and my ribs are numb and tingly anytime I sit down, at least I can share with the world that I am going through this miraculous experience... and I don't even have to say a word for them to know it!

I love the smiles you get; many people don't even say a word, they just see the tummy, look up to make eye contact, and smile knowingly. (Exactly what they are thinking is unknown, i.e. the comic above) However, any joy, however it happens, is a good thing, and if I can make 2 people a day smile just by being pregnant and letting them see me waddle around as such, that is a good day!

(Almost) 33 Weeks

Well tomorrow is 33 weeks. WAHOO! It's pretty unreal to be so close. The wonderful ladies at work are throwing me a shower tomorrow and I am really looking forward to it... and it's crazy to think that I am only going to working for another 5 weeks. And things are so busy with all the recruiting visits we have going, and the stimulus money available for grants, plus the prep for getting everything in order for my leave including the temp who is starting next Monday...

Can I tell you how huge I am??? I almost need arm extensions for anything since my belly keeps me like 2 feet further away than I would normally be from anything. I feel like the bubble boy, but the bubble doesn't encompass my whole body, just my abdomen. Ryan keeps bumping into it and knocking around it, looking down surprised, like "what the heck was that???". It doesn't help that he is like 3 feet above it and can't even really see it from his height. I'm bumping into stuff all over the place too. One of these days the space I try to fit through just won't be big enough and there I will get stuck. I've gotten pretty close. I still try to turn sideways to fit through spaces, even though I know I'm just as wide sideways as I am frontways. In fact, I think at this point I am probably bigger sideways.

And the peeing is crazy. I feel like I have to go all the time, and when I go sometimes a little tinkle is my only reward. The other night, Aurora was resting just right pinching my piping and I actually had to physically move her to be able to get the flow going... geez kid!

Our last childbirth class is on Wed and I am amazed that it has already been 6 weeks since we started them. It was so much fun, and I really liked the couples we met there. We are doing a dessert potluck for our last class (Yummy!) and we are all going to email baby pics to our instructor who will send them around for us all to see, then after all our babies are born we are going to get together for a little reunion!!! I am really excited about that, it was a great way to meet some parents with same aged babies, and you already have a head start in knowing them. We still have a newborn care class this month too and then all our classes are done!

Ok so I have to brag about my wonderful Ryan. I went on a womens retreat with Cheryl (Ryan's Mom) this weekend. It was beautiful up in Pine Valley, and besides it being a really meaningful theme about forgiveness (a topic I have miles to work on) it was just a wonderful weekend, including a great afternoon of playing bridge with Aunt Diana, Nana and one of the other church ladies.

Anyway, there were some things that we needed to get done for baby set up of the house before Aurora comes, and Ryan was going to take the weekend to get some of it done since time is getting away from us now in the final months. All I thought he was going to do was move all the beer stuff out of the bookcase in the den, and get rid of the "beer fridge" in there.

Well when I came home, he really surprised me, because he had done it all!!! He replaced the window blinds in her room (something I really wanted done before she gets here), brought up the rocking chair, put the dresser in place and filled it with all the baby stuff, put up the table that was in the room on the wall as a wall decoration piece, and hung my dad's wreaths that he had made on them, so it looks like we actually have a theme now; natural & nature-y with neutral colors - perfect for us!!!

To make room for everything he took the two bookshelves that were in her room and moved them down into the old den which is now going to be a game/craft/play room, and moved all my scrapbooking stuff, and all the games downstairs too. I already had missed him all weekend from being away from him, then I came home to that and I just was overtaken with so much love for him!!!

I love my wonderful husband!

30 weeks +, going strong!

Well, on Tuesday I will be 31 weeks. Wowza! Things are so crazy busy, I feel like I don't have time to blink! (And I don't have room to breathe, for that matter). I can't believe that March is already half over. I am really looking forward to my next two showers, Nicole's shower, the weekend at the ranch, my easter egg decorating day, Easter itself, there are so many fun events as we head through spring and closer to our sweet Aurora making her exit/entrance. (Exit from her personal heated swimming pool, entrance into the big vast world).

It is really nice though, that this last trimester is going so fast, because, believe me, I am ready for it to be over! Some mothers you talk to just LOVE being pregnant. They are the ones with no symptoms, didn't start showing until they were 5 months pregnant, and at month 9 look like they ate a few burritos. I am not one of them. Don't get me wrong, there is no greater joy than growing the miracle of life, no greater honor than to carry your own and give them everything they need physically for 9 months to one day become a whole human. And it's fun to feel them kick in your stomach, and see the movement happen. Amazing to see the ultrasound and follow the progression of this tiny person who started in your uterus as a tiny grain of rice and eventually develops into a 6+ lb baby to leave able to survive outside the whom... but in general, there are a zillion other things I would rather be doing for 9 months than being sick as a dog in every way imaginable, too hot for comfort, fat as a pig, suddenly complete with cow udders that are very milkable and an ever growing tumor in your abdomen that displaces your stomach, your lungs and your bladder all at once. I don't enjoy waking up having to go pee more badly than I have ever had to before, rolling around for 5 min in bed just trying to get up enough momentum to get off the edge, stumbling to the toilet, managing to find a seat and discovering that a trickle of about 3 tablespoons of pee was what all the fuss was about (reference to the displaced bladder from above). Repeat ~4 times a night. And I am one of the lucky ones. My friends are on the 7-8 times per night schedule. It's not fun to regurgitate my food and drink for hours if I swallow an ounce more than a cup of anything at a time; as far as I know, I'm not a bird and don't have 4 chicks in a nest to feed. When Aurora comes, I will have a full appreciation for the sacrifice that my body has made to create this wondrous miracle, and it will be worth every bit that I went through to get her here.

Oh yeah, and I don't think I will have trouble breastfeeding, which makes me very happy; I can get a few drops of colostrum if I try. And I just couldn't help myself; my curiosity got the best of me, and I tasted it. It didn't taste like much and I didn't have the guts to taste any more. :0)

"Sorry it's Been so Long" Update

Tomorrow marks week 29, the beginning of the 3rd and final trimester. I feel like I have finally made it to the top of the roller coaster after months of agonizingly slow clickity clicks for each "pregnancy milestone" and now as I round the top of the crest the rest of the ride will just flash past me and suddenly I'm going to be heaving-ho in a UCSD hospital bed to get my little girl out of my stomach and into our arms!

Something that has kept me busy among other things, is my crappy prego immune system. I thought my last sickness was just a fluke; a bad cold exacerbated by allergies, but here I am a month later with another just-as-bad of a cold that has had me on my ass for almost a week now, having to admit that I no longer have the immune system of an elephant, and am completely susceptible to any bug or germ floating in my general vicinity that thinks I am just too cute to pass up for a night on the town (and then some). And the fact that you can't take hardly anything makes it pretty unbearable and harder to get over. (So this is what things were like before drugs!) Ok, complaining rant complete.

We started our childbirth classes last week. We are taking the extended 6 week series (Weds from 7-9 = way past my bedtime = I'm going in PJs and no one can stop me). I was pleased with the first one. I don't expect to learn anything really new (and I didn't at the first one) since I have been so religious about reading material - magazines, online articles, all the books, etc. - but I am hoping to get Ryan more involved with the info since he has not been. We spent some time doing some "social" activities with the other couples, which was interesting. One of the activities exemplified the Venus vs. Mars outlooks of women vs. men. We got into those two groups and came up with lists of the best and worst things we have encountered with pregnancy so far. The women came up with one good thing: being able to feel the baby move. The men came up with a number of good things that none of us women even considered a good thing, like bigger boobs. Way to think outside of the box guys. Ryan suggested that he was getting more good food cooked than normal; the other guys looked at him like he was crazy. I guess they are getting more crazy cravings from their women, and having to make late night runs to random restaurants. lol. It was a nice bonding experience for Ryan and I and I am looking forward to the classes to come.

My first shower is already next weekend! I am so excited. I also move into my own office at work next week too, which will be really convenient for when I come back to work and need to be breast pumping. Ryan and I got a lot of "clean up" chores done this weekend, including taxes, paperwork cleanup, general clean up... Things are starting to fall into place, and Aurora will be here before we know it!!!

My Cups Spillith Over

WARNING: This is TMI, so stop reading here if you don't want to hear another one of Loralyn's "I can't believe she went there!" tangents.

Have I mentioned my boobs are out of control? When my Mom (who before her mastectomy and breastlift hung to her waist without a bra to hold up her DD sized boobs) told Ryan that she used to be as big as me before having Skye and I, he did NOT believe her one bit. He didn't think there was any way that I (a VERY padded C, and only a C because I am wide around not because I am huge in the cups) would ever get to be a DD just from kids. However, now that I look like a porn star with fake melons when I wear my old bras and have more piggy-pink colored stretch marks grasping as far across my chest as they can reach, he is a believer. And he is very scared for what a second pregnancy further do to them. I told him it was ok, he could just get me a boob lift for my 50th birthday. At least there are no stretch marks on my tummy yet. And I probably won't get any; my Mom doesn't have any.

Oh, and I am sick of telling people YES I am putting coco butter on my tummy and boobs. Yes it helps with itching and dryness, but NO it does not prevent stretch marks. It just depends on how much weight you gain in a given time and how well your skin can stretch to accommodate, which is genetic.
http://www.babycenter.com/0_stretch-marks_1352276.bc

Anyway, while I will never again be able to "legitimately/appropriately" wear a tank top braless ever again (and even pre-pregnancy some of my family members would question my definition of legitimate/appropriate), at least I now have a little cleavage for low-cut shirts/dresses, which I have been taking FULL advantage of.

The Countdown Begins

Tomorrow marks 26 weeks... and suddenly it seems like (as my friend Laura has said) the count of how many weeks pregnant you are in the beginning that is such a big deal week after week transforms itself to a countdown of how much time you have left; only 3 more weeks left of the 2nd trimester/only one more appointment until they are every 2 weeks/ less than 4 months until Aurora will be here!

The gestational diabetes screening went well; results were normal, yea! My friend Nicole had to do the 3 hour one but just got those results today and hers were normal too, double yea! Ryan and I were worried for a mili-second about the AFP results that I had gotten at Kaiser, but UCSD finally has all of my records safe and sound and Rita had a chance to look them over and left a message for me on Friday saying that "on paper, you look like a rock-star!" That made me feel really good.

The basketball in my stomach continues to grow, making simple everyday activities less simple. I don't make it off the bed on the first try all the time, and people are starting to make fun of me waddling. At least I can still zip up my favorite sweaters and jacket. Hopefully I don't outgrow them before the winter is over, I really don't want to spend money on sweaters and jackets that I may or may not need in my next pregnancy. I mean, with my metabolism the way it is right now I hardly need more than a long sleeve shirt in most situations anyway. (Still sleeping with one throw blanket; on colder nights, its time to wear pajama pants).

Ryan is being really wonderful and we have been enjoying a lot of time together lately. REI has not been scheduling many hours for him (bad for the piggy bank, good for time together), and in an uncharacteristic break, our schedule has been free from many social/family obligations most weekends, allowing us to plan some small things last minute with friends and family but still having plenty of "us" time. I feel like I am falling in love with him all over again in the pregnancy. I am just overflowing with love for him, the wonderful father he is going to be, and the amazing miracle of life we are about to bring into the world and into our family.

I love Rita!!!

(Almost) 25 weeks. Friday was wonderful; the visit with Rita went sooo well and I love her! Since it was Ryan's scheduled Friday off, he was able to go too, which was really nice. Rita is young, full of energy, very outgoing and so nice. She took lots of time with us and gave personalized care; it didn't feel like a scripted appointment. They didn't get the hard copies of my Kaiser records over from Perlman where my first UCSD appointment was, so she didn't have a lot to go on, but they should have them by my next appointment, which is in 4 weeks, also on a Friday that Ryan has off, so he can go again! (Yea for Friday appointments that Ryan can go to.)

Next testing is the gestational diabetes, where you drink a dose of sugar and see how crazy your baby gets within an hour. (Actually you drink it then they take your blood an hour later to check for diabetes, since they dont want you to end up with a 10lb baby because of it!)

I did more cleaning of Aurora's room over the weekend, went through all of my memoirs and sorted them out, it was crazy seeing some of those things that I have not looked through in years. Like actual letters I got from people I met at like 6th grade camp and the summer at USC and trips like that, as well as those just from HS. (Yes, back in the day when we actually wrote REAL letters!!!)

It's all starting to come together, as we get closer and closer...

6 Months and Counting...

Well today marks 24 weeks! Crazy to think 6 months has come and gone since this whole baby thing started. I look at all I have gone through physically & emotionally, and all I have learned and researched and in some ways it seems like more than that, some ways far less...

Ryan and I went to the "Meet the Midwives" presentation at UCSD last night. My midwife, Rita was not there, since she is on vaca in Mexico this week, but it was really great. I kind of made this whole decision to go the BC (Birthing Center) route without really discussing with him, so he had a number of questions and concerns that he was hoping to have answered. They did a great job. They presented a slideshow, then the head of the program spoke a little about it, then each of the midwives introduced themselves, and answered a FAQ, then they opened it up to Q&A. All of Ryan's questions seemed to be answered, and then they did a tour of the facilities.

I AM SO EXCITED; I almost can't wait to deliver, I am so excited about the whole thing. First of all, it completely secured how I felt about the decision. Basically what their whole thing is, is that they specialize in normal deliveries (and their experience and training is as such), and that physicians specialize in high-risk or abnormal deliveries, and that they all work as a team for the best outcome for you and your baby. And the two priorities are 1. to make sure the baby is ok and 2. that the experience is as positive for you as it can be. I just love that. It is such a stark difference from the glimpse of care that I received at Kaiser for the first 5 months; the RN who saw me there was nice enough, but it was very clear that it was just business as usual when she saw me, and she was following through the daily motions, and I was just another person moving through there; no personalization of care at all. The BC at UCSD is so obviously different, just from the initial apt with the RN at Perlman and from this presentation; you are an individual person, with individual needs; and they concentrate on the here and now with who you are and what you are going through, not on the next person in line behind you. The rooms are so amazing too; they are as large as a large bedroom, not a closet like most hospital delivery rooms, and have a more "home like" feel, so there is more space to move around, you can have more friends and family there if you want... I just cant stop saying enough about it; it is truly the only BC of it's kind in Southern California. Check it out if you want, http://health.ucsd.edu/women/child/facilities/center.htm

So my first apt with my midwife Rita is on Friday. It is one of Ryan's scheduled Fridays off, so he will be able to come, which I am super excited about. The appointments start to get more frequent at this point (every 2 weeks soon, then at some point they go to every week) it will be here the next time I turn around.

Other than that, last week I was dealing with some serious allergies/cold/congestion. It was about the most miserable week for sleep so far in the pregnancy; between my heartburn and my congestion, I was tossing and turning every 10 min it seemed like, and between getting up to go to the bathroom or take more tums or blow my nose, I dont know how I got enough sleep to make it through each day. But I made it through, and besides some residual congestion (which I dont think will go away now, I think this is just plain old pregnancy congestion), I am back up and running... or at least waddling quickly. Less quickly the bigger my tummy gets; small tasks like putting lotion on my legs or putting on shoes and socks are becoming more and more of a feat. Can't wait until I am twice as big!

Named

Well Ryan and I finally decided on the name, and our little girl is going to be Aurora Lynn Cross. Ella coming in at #17 on the top baby names list of 2008 kind of sealed the deal for me. That being said, Aurora has been moving around, letting me know that she is having fun exploring around. I can even see my belly move if I look at it when she is moving. Ryan doesn't have the patience to wait for 30 seconds for it, and thinks I am making it all up in my head and figures he can just wait until she is "really" moving in a few weeks and he can feel and see her then.

Now that we are past the "basic" baby books (what to expect when you are expecting) I am moving on to the advanced ones on techniques, theories, etc. I am currently reading "On Becoming Baby Wise" which was recommended by one of our faculty at work here, and it was also recommended to Nicole by someone. It is loosely a book on getting your baby on a schedule for sleeping, eating and wake time, ultimately to get them to sleep through the night as early as 8 weeks old. The underlying theme is based on parent-directed behavior, not child-centered or parent-centered. So the focus is that baby is a wonderful addition to the family and that parents take cues from baby but also that baby takes cues back from you too. A family with a strict and ridged schedule with no room for flexibility is not ideal, nor is a family centered solely around the baby with no structure. I am very excited about it and think that it will not only be a lifesaver since we will be working parents and a schedule will be necessary for us to rely on, but also because it is 100% in alignment with the kind of person I want to raise; one who is not selfish or self centered, or is the one who directs every move the family makes, but instead one who understands the meaning of family, and is a happy, content and contributing member of our family. It is amazing to realize that you can can start teaching those kinds of values so young in their life with something as simple as a sleep/eat/awake time schedule.

Recently, as I have been getting recommendations for books, reading up online, finding studies, etc. it dawned on me how scary of an experience having a baby can be for someone who doesn't have any resources... no one to give them advice, no books to read, no google bar to type in whatever thought or symptom pops up for that day. For instance, my Mom. She was a 30 something woman who on a whim bought and moved out to the ranch, in the middle of nowhere to up and run a property. And before she really has it all figured out, she gets pregnant with her first baby. The father is a free spirit, one not to be held down, and one who has no real experience or support to offer his "partner" (if you can even call it that; he was more like a sperm donor at the time and has been a wonderful but non-traditional father figure my whole life). She has no close friends to rely on, or at least any that are within a 10 mile radius for help. Her own mother is estranged and lives on the opposite coast, and is not exactly "open minded" to her lifestyle and choices (the same mother that told her that she should never have kids since she couldn't even keep a fish alive). There is no such thing as the Internet, no easy access to recent studies or sites to have any number of books delivered within days to your doorstep. So with nothing more than a copy of what to expect and a book on spiritual midwifery, she goes through pregnancy and birth and has me on her own. WOW. What a woman. Here we are this day and age being bombarded with advice and info, and all we have to do is pick and choose what we want to accept and what we think is best. Imagine not having any of it, and how scared you would be NOT having that. I am so confident as I go through this because I have read every book, gone to every website, and investigated every study done on every topic that has to do with pregnancy and childbirth. It makes me realize how blessed I am, but also makes me appreciate so very much what people like my Mom may have gone through to get us here.... So here's to you Mom, a big thank you for getting me here and helping to create who I am today, in the face of the unknown!

Big Long Update

Week 22 (as of Tuesday). Well it's been a while, this might be long... I have been meaning to get something up, but things have been pretty busy at work and home since we got back in full swing after the holidays. And I feel like it's been a bunch of little things, not any one of them enough for a whole entry. So here they all are.

First of all I dyed my hair. For all the haters, http://www.pregnancy.org/article/dying-change-hair-color-and-your-pregnancy. I used a no ammonia, semi-permanent dye. I went back to my "roots" (or at least my Dad's) and am once again a redhead. I probably match Nicole pretty good, but mine does have that bright funky look (aka fake). I love it, I think it brings out my eyes, which are usually too dark blue (more of a grey blue) to look really nice.

Christmas was fun; our little girl got her first gifts. She got a blanket that Cheryl got before we knew the sex so it is neutral colored, a crib set as well as a picture frame and a bunch of adorable clothes from Venissa and more clothes from her sister Cindy. Along with the little collection of stuff that Blake and Alyssa have already given us, we really needed to make some headway in the baby's room. So we finally got rid of the bed (FYI, if you ever want to get rid of something, post it for free on Craig's List... within LITERALLY 30 seconds of posting the bed, there were 3 people calling us about it, and while I was getting back on the computer to delete the posting 2 more people called and someone emailed me.) That sort of spurned a cleanup burst, and our good family friend Steve came over and cleaned our carpets to give us a "clean start". So now we have some room to work with and need to finish sorting out all the rest of the room and the stuff in it, find places for it all somewhere else in the house and go from there.

We registered at BabiesR'Us this last weekend too. That was an experience. I took insisted that Cheryl come with us, even though Ryan wanted to do it on our own. Thank God I had her along, because I would have A. Been lost with what to get (even if you talk to your friends and stuff, it is not the same as going down your checklist of items and having someone right there with you to figure it all out), and B. Would have registered for 5 items in the 2 hours we were there. So it was really good that she came! We figured out the carseat/stroller system, the breastpump/bottle thing, and a lot of basics. We still have a lot to do, but it's at least a start. Anyway, I was really really tired after all this and by the time we got to the furniture section, there were the glider/rockers. I sat down and sank into heaven. Now I was at odds with myself because for my birthday, my Mom had brought down the family solid wood old-school rocker that her and my Dad had used for me, and I had wanted to use it and keep it in the family, etc. Well after sitting in these modern gliders, my body said, "Screw you, this is where it's at." all the while my heart said, "That glider has no sentimental meaning!" Well I ended up deciding that at 3am when I am trying to breastfeed the baby, my heart will be asleep still, and my body will be very angry after a few months if it doesn' t get it's way, so I broke the news to my Mom (I was surprised she was so understanding) and will be sending it back up to the Ranch, and registered for the glider. It will always be there for me at least.

Moving on to baby showers... so excited! After talking with Cheryl about it, we realized there were like 70 people all from different groups, which is way too much for one shower, even a lot for two, so I made up a spreadsheet of all the groups and how many people were in each. We grouped them together in the best way that made sense, and ended up with 3 groups, all 20-25 people each. Awkward, but I had to ask some of my dear friends if they would throw 2 of them, since Cheryl couldn't do all 3 and I was afraid everyone would think someone else was doing one then nothing would actually happen. Lucky me, they were happy to do so, so it is all set now! Cheryl will be doing the shower with her side of the family, Melinda will be doing Rick's side of the family, the ladies from the Medical Center and some ladies from Cheryl's church that know me from the yearly women's retreat, and the 3rd shower for my family and my friends will be planned by Grace (with help from my Mom). I am so happy. March and April are pretty much all filled up now, between all the showers and other events, so the next few months will FLY by.

Then we get to the healthcare front. I switched to UCSD, and had my first appointment last week. I was sooo very happy. It was with a wonderful RN over at Perlman. It was completely different from Kaiser. First of all she took a lot of time with me, went over my records, made sure to answer any questions I had and really made the visit feel personalized. Kaiser (although the RN I was seeing there was very nice) made me feel like just another number, and the visit and how it was handled was clearly "assembly line". My last apt with Kaiser was actually really disappointing; they told me I was gaining weight too fast based on one weigh in at 14 weeks and then this one at 20 weeks, and didnt ask me anything about my diet or exercise before she told me that. I had to remind her that we had the results back from the second big blood test, and also had to remind her that I was switching to UCSD and needed my records. Back to UCSD, the RN was wonderful. The big thing that came out of the appointment was that I didn't realize I really had to choose between the birthing center and picking a midwife, vs. a physician and delivering in labor & delivery. After talking it over with the RN, I still definitely wanted to go with the birthing center. When it comes down to it, my baby is the number one priority, but if my pregnancy is healthy and normal, I want to experience it as raw and natural as possible, at least this first one. I want to see what it is like as it was meant to be. I may make a different decision for subsequent children I birth, but if I didn't do it this way this time, I would always wonder and be disappointed I didn't take the opportunity. Cheryl was with me for this appointment, and we ran into Cory, one of the wonderful lactation nurses at UCSD that we know and love and she made some suggestions for great midwives in the center. Over the next few days, I signed Ryan & I up for some classes, found out when the next "meet the midwives/tour the birthing center" event was and scheduled my first apt with my new midwife, Rita. From everything I have heard from everyone she is high energy, and really wonderful. I think it will be a great fit. I will have to go down to Hillcrest to see her, but that is a small price to pay for good care. My next scheduled apt with UCSD is at 24 weeks, and it is with Rita so we will see how it goes!

Oh, and important to note, I have for sure been feeling her move and kick the last week and a half. It is really wonderful, like my own little inside joke with her (pun intended.) She isn't as active as Luke is for Nicole (maybe it is the difference between boy and girl, or maybe she is just destined to have a night owl for a child and our little girl is just going to sleep all the time like her Daddy) but I can't wait until Ryan can feel the movement and can share it with me.

Well I think that pretty much gets me all caught up. Ok I don't want to go that long again, it is past my bedtime and Ryan has been complaining about the "clickity-click" for the last hour. Good night!

No such thing as sympathy weight gain...

So Ryan has decided that there is no such thing as sympathy weight gain for the father of the expectant baby...

We were at the mall on Sunday morning, and we needed something to eat before heading up to Temecula for Keira's 1st Birthday Party. We went to McDonalds, and I knew I wanted fries, but the big mac also looked pretty good, so we got the 2 big mac deal with fries to share. I took a few bites of the burger, but it didnt taste as great as I thought it would so I pushed it off to Ryan and stuck with the fries.

Ryan looked at me incredulously and pointing at the burger said, "What is this??? Ok there is no such thing as sympathy weight gain, it's all this!" Later that night I proceeded to taste 3 different kinds of cookies, none of which tasted good enough for me to finish and ended up in Ryan's stomach instead. Obviously there is something to his theory! At least I don't have to worry about my husband starving... :0)

It's a Girl!

Wow, the last few days have been a whirlwind! Tuesday started off with the marker of 19 weeks pregnant. Ryan and I both had work, and were getting off a little early to head to the big US, which was scheduled for 4:30. First of all I had to have a full bladder (Drink 32 oz of clear liquid 1 hour prior to the apt) which is really hard to tell a pregnant woman to do! We got to Kaiser and found the ultrasound department down in the basement. The rad tech was really nice, and started the US taking all these measurements and pictures of the baby, labeling different things. After like 15 min I am thinking "ok, how long is this going to go on???" I guess there are for more things they are looking for to make sure the baby is developing properly than just "penis or vagina?" Fine with me, but I really have to go pee, and sliding this stick around my stomach with moderate pressure doesn't help things! She did let me go pee after about 20 min (I guess the full bladder not only holds the intestines out of the way but also sort of holds the baby in place, less room for her to wiggle around while they are trying to get certain shots and measurements.) I felt sooo much better after that. The tech was pointing out all these things like the bladder that looked to me more like bad film footage circa the 1960's of a smoke stack than a baby or baby parts of my future child.

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So we finally get to the place where they show the bottom side of the baby. (Like you are sitting the baby down on a copy machine), and she is saying, "there are the legs, there is the butt, there is this, that, blah blah blah" all the time my heart is ready to bust through my chest and I am sure that I am going to have a heart attack and I am about to yell "come on lady, what the hell is it???" and she says, "well it looks like a girl to me!" and explains that if it were a boy, there would be some kind of lump between the legs signifying a penis or testes, but the absence of that in combination with the white lines around the crotch area looked like labia to her, so she was about 85% sure it was a girl. Of course there is a possibility that there are boy parts there we are missing. (When I showed the US pictures to Cheryl and told her this, she said, "Oh yeah, its a girl. If it was any son of Ryan's you would be able to tell, trust me!!!" And I can attest to that... ;0) However, it is possible "he" takes after my dad, and then... well we will just say all bets are off.)

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*Some Details*

-Heartrate: 147bpm

-12 oz (big girl! I am glad she is gaining her weight, bc I am still on the low end of weight gain)

-~15 cm, or ~6 in

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Anyway, we are walking out of the hospital, and I ask Ryan if he is surprised at all... because the whole time I thought it was a girl, and everyone else had their opinions, but he really wasn't willing to guess. He stopped, looked at me like I was crazy, and said very seriously, "Really? You are really asking me that? With your hostile uterus? Come on, Loralyn. Your uterus had a checkpoint set up with big pushy bouncer-women who only let female sperm into the party inside with proper forms of id. All male sperm were turned away at the door. And you think there was any chance it was going to be a boy?"

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In all honesty though, I think that a girl will be best for us. I have a special bond with my Mom because of the way I was raised (for any of you who don't know I was a love child, and my Mom wanted a child so "arranged" it with my Dad and raised me on her own, just the two of us until I was 9 and she married my step-dad,) so having a daughter would mean something different to me in a nostalgic way. And for Ryan, who is a very a-typical man (no, I did not say a-sexual) who is not into baseball, football, loud music and big trucks in the way most manly-men are, I think a girl to start with will be better... there will not be the "pressures" to teach and foster the first Daddy and son "let's play catch" moments, etc. He can get practice with a girl for the basics of kids and children (feeding, dressing, bathing, friends, school, etc.), then if our next is a boy he can figure out all the boy stuff instead of having to deal with those basics at the same time.

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Ok, so the next step (since Nicole and Jason already bought theirs which is a sure sign and because next week is halfway through the pregnancy and it's all starting to get pretty real for us,) is to find a suitable sleeping container for her, since I think they might call CPS on us if we use one of our spare rubbermaid bins...

Blue or Pink?

Ok so Laura put up a post with all the wivestales and the results, headed into her big US this week, and I thought it was fun so I am copying her! (Sorry Laura!) As for the results, the jury is still out, as these show 11 Girl, 8 Boy... about the same percentage as the voting results!

1. Heart rate over 140 bpm - GIRL
3. Carrying high(ish?) - GIRL
4. Carrying out front & round - BOY
5. Not craving salt (actually having an aversion to it) - GIRL
6. Tons of morning sickness - GIRL
7. Ring test (side to side) - BOY
8. Chinese gender test - BOY
9. Lots of headaches - BOY
10. Cold feet - BOY
11. Dad not gaining "sympathy" weight - BOY
12. Color of urine - BOY
13. My face not rounder and rosier - BOY
14. Craving fruit & OJ - GIRL
15. Face is breaking out - GIRL
16. Moodier than usual - GIRL
17. Larger left breast - GIRL
18. Won’t eat the heal from a loaf of bread – GIRL
19. You add your age at the time of conception and the number for the month you conceived and the sum is an odd number – GIRL
20. http://www.babygenderpredictiontest.com/ - GIRL

Turning a New Stone

18 weeks, and I feel SOOOOOOO much better! I am actually eating now (just in time for the holidays). Some stuff still makes me feel yucky just thinking about it (turkey, chicken, large slabs of meat in general) but all in all, I am ok with food again. HUGE relief. Besides the gagging with tooth brushing, some random stuff that doesnt smell right to me and getting too hungry, the nausea has gone away too. And those headaches that morphed into migraines most evenings? Washed away and only bug me a few times a week now. (It only took me a month and a half into the 2nd trimester to get there.) I feel like a WHOLE NEW WOMAN!

I look like a whole new woman too. I'm poppin like a street hip-hopper. I wonder how long it will be before strangers feel confident enough that I am pregnant enough to comment (as opposed to just being fat). Most people think it is rude to ask someone if they are pregnant for the chance that they may not be, but hey, now that I am pregnant, I am thinking it's rude to NOT ask; because what, you think I am this fat just because I got a head start on the holiday meals? I am offended that you think I could look like this normally and it is not due to a 6 inch squirming fetus swimming in a cantaloupe sized uterus! :0)

Anyway, I have been talking to beansprout telling it to show us what it is next week so Mommy and Daddy can call it a he or she, and call it by name and tell all their friends and family... so hopefully it listens so I can stop calling it IT like an inanimate object.

Ok, well the rest of this week will go by really quickly; a lot going on at work, at home (have to get those xmas letters/cards out), so before I know it it will be a week from now and I will be waiting to leave work in an hour to head to the big US!!! Hopefully I dont have to stretch my bladder in a goodyear blimp to get through it like Nicole did... we will see!

Howdy...

17 weeks strong... nothing really new with me, but it's been a while, and I do have news! Nicole is going to have a little baby boy!!! I had a feeling it was going to be a boy, so now with me thinking I am having a girl I somehow feel more secure in my guess. We will see. :0) Less than two weeks now, so it won't be long. My nausea is pretty much gone (still random gagging with various triggers, but I don't think that really goes away totally anyway.) and eating is much better; I can go for longer periods of time without eating, so I am up to eating about every 3 hours instead of every 2 hours (Yes that is a HUGE difference!!!). The headaches are bearable now, esp since I got a beauty mask I keep in the fridge and wear on my forehead when it gets bad; hopefully that was the worst of them. AND I gained weight finally! So I am up 4 lbs total from the beginning. I am keeping track of it on an excel spreadsheet, and have created a graph of it. (Uh, I am Ryan's wife, is anyone surprised???). Ryan has been awesome by the way, doing tons of chores, helping around the house, etc. so the next time anyone sees/talks to him they should congratulate him! It is really helpful and makes me appreciate him so much more. Anyway, I think that is about it... I dont think there will be too much more news until the big US unless I start to feel the baby (should be anytime now) so until then...

Russian Roulette of Symptoms

Week 16. So I feel every morning like I am playing a sick game of Russian roulette with the awful pregnancy symptoms I have encountered. Some days are good, some days are bad. Today, will I get the skull splitting migraine? The "my nose works too good for my own good" nausea? The exhaustion by the end of the day that makes me sad I don't have one of those old person bath tub-spas and a personal attendant to clean me? The "my head is filled with cotton" stuffiness that comes from the increased blood flow to my mucus membranes (didn't someone tell my body there wasn't room for that to begin with?) OR if I am lucky, jackpot, ALL OF THEM!

The migraines are the worst. I am pretty sure they are related to the weather and pressure from the changes from rain to santa anas, 0% humidity to 75%, etc. And it's not like I can take anything for them! (Oh, yes, I can take Tylenol, great. Because that does NOTHING. Might as well give me a placebo pill.) The only thing I can do is go to bed early and hope that it is gone in the morning.

Other than that, I feel much better! Besides the increasing migraines, the other symptoms have been steadily decreasing. I am waiting for me to feel bean sprout in my tummy, should happen any week now! My tummy sure is showing. People have been really good about 'feeling the tummy'. I don't care at all, I'm like, "touch all you want!" but most everyone starts to go for it then catches themselves and asks, "Is it ok if I touch it?", so that is good for all those mothers who DO care.

Another thing. Ryan and I are so not getting into the buying, decorating, planning thing yet... I have cleaned the house a bit, started moving stuff around in the baby's room but we have not purchased one outfit, one piece of baby furniture or had one discussion about baby room theme, color or otherwise yet... and I somehow dont think we will? Does this mean part of my mommy instinct is out of wack? Or maybe our 'cheapness' is coming across and I am pawning it off as being 'practical'. I dont know. I figure I can just throw the baby in a dresser drawer, and wrap her (yes, her I am convinced it is a girl) in scraps of old sheets. Juuuuuust kidding. :0)

Decisions, Decisions... and Opinions!

Isnt' it amazing how strong everyone's opinions are about things during pregnancy? Everything from dying your hair while pregnant to what you should eat and how the birth should go. After all the reading and research I am doing, I have come to terms with it all; as long as the parents are well informed and realize what decisions they are making I am happy! (It drives me crazy when people just decide or let something happen as it will without being informed). I will point out some good resources if I can but after all, its their choice! What with all of these people I know that are pregnant the same time as me, I have mixed feelings about various of their choices about things, but as long as they feel its right for them and their dr agrees, I am happy that they are comfortable with their decision even if I dont agree. And let's face it, it doesn't really matter what I think! It's their choice, not mine!!!

This has been hard for me because I am someone with such strong opinions and I have had to realize that mine is not "right" its just different and my opinion is only right for me and Ryan. I am truely blessed that I am with someone who has the same thoughts and opinions as me on these things; at least I am not fighting with him at all. We sort of go, "I was thinking X" and the other says, "Yeah, me too", OK good, next issue.

I mean with all this stuff, pretty much the deal is that your baby will still be fine, but if you do this or that it may up the chances of this or decrease the chances of that... so it may not even have any effect on the outcome at all!

Here are a few you may know or not know:

• Expectant mothers who eat nuts or nut products like peanut butter daily during pregnancy increase their children's risk of developing asthma by more than 50 percent over women who rarely or never consume nut products during pregnancy http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/114901.php
• Babies born four months before the peak cold and flu season have a 30 percent higher risk of developing asthma http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27839958/
• A study published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition shows that breastfed infants tested 5.2 IQ points higher than formula fed infants http://www.breastfeeding.com/reading_room/iq_study.html
• Children raised in a house with two or more dogs or cats during the first year of life may be less likely to develop allergic diseases as compared with children raised without pets http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2002/08/27/earlyshow/health/health_news/main519978.shtml

Sometimes it does make a difference, so now as parents we just have to weigh the risks and benefits, and try to do what's best for our kids and concentrate on things that are more likely to make a differnce and not sweat the things that are less likely, you know? (I had sprouts once during the pregnancy. Dont tell anyone! lol) I think I am starting [its a long learning process] to lighten up on how much energy I put into caring about other's decisions. And that is a lesson to learn in everyday life, not just in pregnancy.

Fun at the Emergancy Room

So at like 8pm last night I started to get a really bad stomach ache at the top of my stomach and it just got worse and worse so 2 hours later we finally went to the Emergency Room. They took a urine sample, blood, and the Dr. examined me. Since everything felt fine (soft abdomin and I didnt have any sharp pains and it was higher), he thinks it was either something I ate or a stomach bug going around.

They did an ultrasound just to make sure the baby was ok and it was AMAZING. You can see the face, the spine, it was a beautiful profile. Bean sprout was sucking it's thumb and kicking around like crazy. Dr. said the heartbeat was strong, about 155/min. It was nice bc Ryan was there for it this time! I think it made it a little more real to him to SEE something that looked like a little human inside me even though I am not [that] huge yet. I was still in really bad pain so they gave me some morphine while they were waiting for the lab work to come back and that helped (I would hope so, right???). I was worried about taking it but they called OB to make sure it was ok and they said it was. Labs came back normal, but my potassium was low, so I need to eat more bananas he said. We finally got discharged at like 1:30 so I am very tired today.

I am mostly just glad everything is ok! You know everything is probably fine but in the back of your head you wonder what if...

Wahoo, Week 14 Cleared.

We won't be able to tell for a long time, but I really wonder what bean sprout is going to look like. With Ryan and I looking so very different, I always have wondered what traits our children will get. My light skin and eyes? My short & stocky stature? My artistic and social tendancies? Or Ryan's olive skin and dark eyes? His height and slender build? His scientific mind and thoughful nature? It's a true crapshoot. With genes like that, matching of genetic mutations has as much as much of a chance as getting struck by lightening, thank goodness.

.

Yesterday I had another appointment. All that initial genetic testing turned out fine, and they do some more follow up labs next week. My RN said the baby is just where it should be in my abdomen, and while it took her a while to find the heartbeat, when we did, there it was; "Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh". And only one, so I think chances I am just huge because of twins I think are diminshed. My Mom asked how fast it was, and she said about 160. My Mom is now happliy convinced I am having a girl. (Even though the whole heartbeat thing is a COMPLETE wivestale.) However, if true, Nicole and I are both having a girl, since hers is at 160/min too!

I am... the Starship Enterprise

Week 13. I am now convinced that my body is not my own anymore. It is property of the 3 inch bean sprout growing in my stomach. Like a bad made-for-sci-fi movie, some alien parasite found it's new home inside my uterus and is now controling all of my bodily functions. And most of the time what it wants my body to do is not what I want it to do. At least current research has shown this alien bean sprout's time is numbered, and will not need it's host body anymore in another 6 months.

Until then, I deal with gagging at the most common of smells or anything hitting that back region of my mouth, a sense of smell so sensitive that I can smell the shampoo of someone walking in front of me that I can't even see, more than frequent urination, aversion to food in general, sharp pains in my stomach anytime I sneeze or cough (stretching of the muscles from what I understand), and the necessary change from thongs to granny panties. *Note to self* Add to the Costco list; Jumbo pack of bikini cut madinforms.

Still have not gained a pound, yet I look like I've gained 10. I put away all of my "skinny" clothes, since that was a lost cause. This morning I went to put on my fattest fat pants, and they didnt fit. Gave in to the one pair of maternity pants I have. (Yes they fit. Don't laugh, and think "if she's already this big now..." I know you are.)

The good news is that I have gotten a good portion of my energy back, just like they said I would. I can actually cook a meal now, and clean up after it within 24 hours. Good thing too, because Ryan was about to starve to death. I think our neighbors the Kruzes were about done feeding an extra mouth for dinner [when I just wasn't interested, or was perfectly fine with a bowl of cereal.]

I'm thinking about starting up walks, stretching, prego yoga, exercises, kegals... all those fun active prego activities that they say are so great for you. I'll let you know how it goes!

When Will This be Over?

Week 12. Well I don’t feel as weak anymore, but I still feel awful. Food is my enemy. I am gagging over everything and if I go too long without eating, I get sick to my stomach. It’s the worst at night. I woke up at 2am starving. I ate a cracker but it was too late already and I threw up. Dinner was long since digested, so it was just bile and a cracker, but still wasn’t fun! I ate more crackers after with some water and was fine till morning.

They put me on antibiotics; found bacteria in my urine from the last labs. They asked me if I had any symptoms. Stupid question; You mean the increased urge to urinate, not being able to empty completely, discharge and cloudy urine? Kind of like the EXACT same ones as being pregnant???

Still tired by 8pm and going to bed by 9pm. What with the whole food thing though I am getting up earlier though. Good anyway, since I changed my hours at work to 7:30-4. I like the schedule much more. Doesn’t take that much more to get ready in the morning, avoid a crapload of traffic and I get off at 4!!!

I swear there is a baby boom going on though, first there was me and Nicole (who is 2 weeks ahead of me), then I found out my hairdresser is a week ahead of me, and then friends from the Kings River are 2 days apart from me.

I need to go shopping for new clothes this weekend; don’t fit in anything (comfortably at least) anymore. Dresses, tights and uggs will be my friend for the winter time.

Who Stole my Body and Took it Over?

Week 10. Well, doing better… sort of. Started showing at 9 weeks. Bloated and round. Have not gained though; still 3 lbs down from the beginning. I told my Dr. boss yesterday, and the rest of the staff today. Cat’s out of the bag! Also scheduled my UCSD visit for Jan (when I switch insurance from Kaiser).

Still feeling very weak and physically exhausted all the time. Been gagging a lot. Threw up for the first time on Saturday. Not feeling as nauseas as weeks 6 & 7 though.

Can’t wait to feel better, to start cooking, cleaning and walking again. The house is a mess, I miss cooking and I know the fresh air would be good for me.

Doesn't Look Like Much...

Ok so this is it! Doesnt look like much, but it proves it's there. Ryan couldnt make it to this appointment (the first one at 8 weeks) but my Mom came with me. I started talking to the RN about my symptoms and such, and my Mom (God love her) says, "yeah, yeah, yeah, so when do we get to the point where we actually make sure she is pregnant? All of this is just a waste of time if she's not." Both the RN and I look at her like she is crazy. Yeah, Mom, like I am having all these stymptoms for nothing, and the pregnancy test was just kidding about giving a positive reading. I think things were different in her day when preg tests happened at the Dr.'s office, not at home on a strip test. She was also surprised that they did an ultrasound at the first apt too.

BTW, its a vaginal ultrasound (I am sure the little bean sprout is too small to see with a belly US). So pretty much it's a big dildo with a condom on it that is way more comfortable than getting a pap-smear. I'll take the VUS anyday. I wonder if at the next apt they will do one too. I am sure they will do a US I just dont know what kind. I'm sure they will find the heartbeat with the doppler thing. That one is on 11/19. Ryan can't make it bc of work, which is kind of sad. But he will be there for the official US in radiology on 12/23 when we find out the sex of the baby. What a great X-mas gift, right?

First Appointment

8th week, tomorrow is my first apt! I am very excited. The apt will make everything more real to me. The nausea has subsided, but I still have an aversion to food in general, and my stomach is so small! I can eat about half what I used to before getting full and I eat way more slowly. I am being good with my vitamins though so the little one is getting what she needs.

Speaking of she; Erik, Carol and my Mom all think I will have a boy. Me, Ryan and my friend Dave C. think it’s going to be a girl. We will see! I made a $5 bet with Erik.

My clothes are uncomfortable, even though I’m not really bigger yet. I do look bloated though. Every day I can’t wait to just get home and change into a nighty or a tank and sweats.

Ugh, those 2 weeks of morning sickness were the WORST. Hope it’s all over.

Cat is Out of the Bag... Sort Of

I told my boss today. She was very happy for me, and excited too, which was nice! I am a little afraid to tell my Dr. Boss, but we will see how he takes it!

We are Pregnant!

Yesterday I found out that a little bitty thing was busy growing inside of me and giving me strange symptoms that were new to me.

A few weeks ago I was a little hungrier than I usually am, I was getting period like cramps (long before I was due for my period) and my breasts were sore too. Then Guinness was more cuddly than usual. I was supposed to get my period yesterday (9-11-08) and didn’t, so at home Red told me to just take the damn test, the hormones were clearly there. I took it and it was a big fat +. Very +, not a faint line, a strong one. I said, “we are totally pregnant.” I called my mom first who said, “Are you sure? How do you know? It’s too soon, you can’t be sure…” Then Cheryl, who said, “That’s the best damn news I have heard in months!” because of everything going on in her life (Rick, etc.)

This morning I weighted myself at 137, which is 3lbs less than my usual. I took my first before picture. (4 weeks.)

My heart is all a flutter, although I understand a lot of that is increased blood flow to my stomach. Anyway, I CANT WAIT TO MEET MY BABY!