The Beginning of the End

1/19/10: I didn’t have enough milk for Aurora’s early morning feeding, and had to go get her 2oz of formula to top her off. So I skipped the pumping that night, in hopes that I would build up enough milk for the next morning.
1/20/10: I had enough milk for Aurora, but was sad that it took over 14 hours to build it up. Did NOT take my pump to work, since I knew at this level of production I wouldn’t need to pump. Decided to try to breast feed Aurora for her bedtime feeding, which is normally a bottle. (She is best about breastfeeding when A. I have enough milk, B. When its time to sleep; night and early morning, and C. When I do it in her room, with the lights out in the rocking chair.) Wasn’t as through of a feeding as I would have liked, but at least she did it. Didn’t pump afterward.
1/21/10: Seemed to have enough this morning too. So my new schedule is no pumping, breastfeed for the early morning feeding, formula (and all her yummy food) during the day, and a breastfeeding at night to send her to sleepyland. We will see how long she is good about feeding for those two times, and how well my production holds up for that.

On a related note, she LOVES food! My favorite so far is fish with carrot and cheese sauce. It is so good I would eat it, and she really enjoys it. It has been great to get all these awesome ideas and recipes from Top 100 Baby Purees (Thanks Lisa!!!) because I would never think of all of them on my own. She is also a huge sweet potato fan, and of course her old classic stand by, cereal with fruit. She is really good with her finger foods, (Cheerios, crusty bread, etc.) She has a strange upset tummy with random things though. She ate a cracker over the holidays and threw it up later, then this last weekend we were out to dinner and they had fresh made flour tortillas (not whole grain but I thought it would be fine, just flour and water, right?) WRONG, she threw up exorcist style. I had a fun time trying to clean her and her chair up in the women’s restroom of the restaurant at the same time. She is now eating a full 3 times a day, or 4-5 if they are small meals. A full meal is normally 3 cubes of food, 2 heaping tablespoons of cereal mixed with 2 oz of formula and about 3oz of milk or formula to wash it down. Wow! I have a good video of eating but it needs some “super soldier” editing first. ;0)

She is also loving cruising around, and wants to walk. She isn’t trying to walk on her own yet; realizes that to get from point A to B she will still go back to the floor to crawl, but she has a blast pulling herself up on everything she can to make herself a big tall girl. After seeing how much she loved a rolling walker that Boston let her try out at the park a week back, we bought one of our own. It’s so cute; a Disney princess “car” that also has a nice handle on the back, so she can use it as a walker or sit on it and have us push her which she loves too. I don’t think she is going to make my prediction of walking by 9 months (which is in 2 weeks) but I do think she will be right on track for what I was; sometime in the 10th month.

She tries to get into everything now, plays with everything, but knows the word “no” and does listen to us when we say it seriously with force. Sometimes she gets sensitive and starts to cry, but usually she just takes it with a grain of salt and finds something else to do. We are so lucky!

She also got her first taste of cake. Boy oh boy does she love it. We got to go to an AWESOME 1st B-day party of Mr. Boston Bruce, and Ashley put the cake down on the ground outside for easy access to all the kids (what a great idea!). We held Aurora back for a little bit but she REALLY wanted to be a part of the action, so we let her go for it. This is what transpired:

Boston digs in...

The other kids just can't hold back

Aurora's first taste of cake...

Look at the cake, mom!

Look at this mess, seriously!

Evidence of the crime scene.... the tracks that the criminal left.

Into EVERYTHING

Well, our days of cute cuddly little Aurora are done. Welcome to the days of "No!" and "Not for you!", bumps, bruises, and frustrated babies. If we were not sure before, Aurora is officially my baby. She wants to be a part of everything, has the patience of... well an 8 month old (and if she takes after me that number will not grow with her age), and is so easily frustrated at everything that she CANT do that her squeals of dissatisfaction have prompted calls from the neighbors to CPS – well no, not quite, but that is a growing fear of mine.

She is not a happy camper when:
- She can’t walk
- She can’t be at your level
- She can’t chew Guinness’s chew toys
- You won’t give her your pretties (jewelry)
- We don’t have her food ready the second she decides she is hungry
- We don’t feed her fast enough
- I don’t have as much milk in my jugs as she wants (yea formula)
- Her legs get stuck up in her sleepers since her legs are so skinny they don’t stay down in the legs
- She has to stay still to get dressed

She is happy when:
- She is sleeping
- She is nursing (well) or drinking her bottle or eating
- She is playing with her favorite toy while sucking her favorite passy
- You are playing peek-a-boo with her
- You are tickling her

She is moving all over the place and won’t sit still for one single second. She is either up and moving, or down and sleeping. Nothing in between. No happy content baby to just sit and play quietly. She tries to commit suicide every other minute in a myriad of ways; chewing on electrical cords, diving off chairs and couches, jumping out of your arms, trying to walk even though she clearly doesn’t have the balance or dexterity for it yet… Every time she does one of these things, Ryan gives me the look. The look says, “that is your daughter, and she is acting just like you.” I’m waiting for the busted lips and black eyes. At least the damage is limited, for the time being, seeing as how she is so short; hence close to the ground. *Sigh* We are in for it.

Nearly 8 Months!!!

Christmas wrap-up; Wednesday was my last day of work for the week, and we got home and went over to the Rubin’s for a cocktail party for our cousins Meg and Justin, who had just come in town for the holidays. It was great to see them again, and to get the holiday festivities started. I was a little worried about how Aurora would do with the first of 3 evenings out, when she usually goes to bed so early (between 6-8pm) but she did fine.

Christmas Eve day I spent at home, trying to get ready for the upcoming days. Ryan had to go in to work, but came home early to catch a nap, since both of us had come down with a bad cold, just in time for the holidays! Luckily Aurora didn’t get sick at all, probably because of the antibodies in my breastmilk for the same sickness we were fighting – Go breastfeeding!!! My Mom came over to help clean up, make my potluck dishes and hang out, then later that afternoon we headed up to Ramona to spend Christmas Eve with Cheryl’s side of the family. Aurora did great, and had no problem with her first Santa encounter.

The next day was crazy; Christmas morning till 10:30 at Cheryl’s house, then over to my Mom’s house till 3pm and over to the Rubin’s for the rest of the day.

Then over to the Stoops on Saturday for after Christmas brunch and to meet Kimmy’s new beau, (who is a TOTAL doll).

We were planning on driving up to Huntington Beach on Sunday to visit my Aunt Tina and her family but she got pretty sick so we decided to put it off till sometime next month. Good thing too, because we were exhausted and the house was an absolute disaster! My Mom came over to help with Aurora and clean up and finally the house is back in order.

I’m pretty sure that Aurora is teething. She has been randomly fussy for no reason, (SCREAMING her head off, like she has never done before) then a while later is fine. She didn’t want to go to bed last night, even though she was clearly exhausted for hours. Finally I just took her into our room and let her hang out on the bed with me and Ryan while he read a book and she and I just laid there until we both got sleepy and I put her to bed. She woke up at midnight and again at 5am crying and wanting to nurse. We will see how today goes. Quick Happy Birthday to Keira, who is 2 today.

She eats a ton and LOVES her food. I am making more interesting foods and she is a fan. Her fav is sweet potatoes and onion with cumin. I have to admit it tastes pretty good! I made a creamy pea batch with mango and garlic and she likes that too. Old standby is cooked apples with banana and cinnamon. Can’t wait till she gets her teeth and she can eat more finger foods, because she is wanting to, just cant yet. (I can wait for the fussiness that goes with teething though). It’s crazy because her friend Hazel already has 4 teeth.

Other than that she is an active baby, getting into everything and pulling herself up on anything she can grasp. She is very much like Ryan though; when you get mad and tell her “no” she gets very upset and starts crying. I feel awful so I don’t do that often. Luckily she is really good and doesn’t get into bad stuff very much – yet.

Some stuff she is already mastering for her age: pulling herself up to stand and cruising, picking things up with her thumb and finger, banging things together, coordinated crawling, wanting to drink from a sippy cup… but hasn’t gotten other things yet like waving goodbye or pointing to things. Saying “mama” and “dada” much more, which makes us happy, but still doesn’t realize what she is saying.

Now on to breastfeeding. I will first say that before having Aurora, I considered breastfeeding to be a simple choice, (to borrow a phrase from a friend), like disposable vs. cloth diapers. After being a working mom now for 5 months, and pumping up to 8 times a day, taking fenugreek and trying to breastfeed whenever possible to keep up production, I can attest that its not that simple. I do still believe that anyone who wants to breastfeed (or provide breastmilk) can. The question is how dedicated you are, and how much time and effort you have in you to put into making it happen. At some point, the cost is not worth the benefits of providing that to your child. And that cost/benefit ratio is different for every mom, and every mom has their breaking point.

I was lucky that Aurora breastfed really well from the beginning, and that I didn’t have any issues in those first 3 months where breastfeeding was getting established. When I went back to work it got a little more complicated. Aurora got used to the bottle and didn’t want to bf if I didn’t have plenty of milk. When I went back to work, the only time that I could bf her was in the morning and at night. The night time one was a problem, since that was the feeding we had chosen to get her used to the bottle before I went back to work, since Ryan could do it and bond with her too. So when I did go back, suddenly I wanted to breastfeed her at night again, and for most of her life she was used to Daddy doing a bottle feeding instead. So basically I was left only being able to do one breastfeeding a day (in the morning) and having to pump throughout the day and evening for the rest of it. THANK God I have an amazing and supportive boss who gave me a place to pump and the flexibility in my schedule to do it when I need to.

Anyway, anyone who has done the research will tell you that pumping does not stimulate your milk production the same way that a baby does, and without the baby to jump start your production on the turn of a dime, you have to rely on pumping every 2 hours and fenugreek to bring it back up. It is hard work. And sometimes you just cant pump every 2 hours! Its all of the work and then some of the bottles and storage, and none of the convenience of breastfeeding. And eventually, if you don’t have any baby stimulation, your body will probably decrease production and it will dwindle away. And forget unexpected things that decrease your production; stress, getting sick, not being able to pump consistently for a day or two due to whatever, etc.

Well I made it this far (almost 8 months). I was hoping to make it to a full year, but that is not going to happen. We have needed to supplement with formula here and there when my production goes down anyway and there is now more of that. I’m still hoping to produce until a year, but we will see. Recently my production dropped, and I tried to get it back up with no avail. And with all the holiday stuff going on it was impossible to pump every 2 hours, so I just decided I was done with it! THEN Aurora was really good about feeding and brought some of my production back up. So Im providing about 10-14 oz a day of breastmilk for her, and she drinks about 18-24 oz a day, so she is still getting over half of her intake as breastmilk. My decision for here on out is to NOT stress about it. I will try to breastfeed when I can, pump when I can, produce as much as my body does, but I will not obsess about taking the fenugreek and pumping every 2 hours, monitoring my daily production like a dairy farmer. Since I decided this, I have been so much happier! A weight has been lifted from my shoulders! And I have to say that I have the most wonderful and supportive husband, who is behind me 100%.

I have learned A LOT on this first go, and hopefully things will be easier and I will be more successful with our next child. But if I am not, that will be ok too, because Aurora has taught me to be easier on myself. I’m a good and loving mom, and my children will be raised well, with the best that Ryan and I have to offer.

7 Months Old... and Counting!!!

I don’t know how Aurora manages to develop so quickly but I feel like every time I turn around she is doing something new. Less than 2 months ago she couldn’t get around much by herself… then we propped her up and she was able to sit up on her own. Then she began to catch herself when she would start to fall instead of falling face first into the ground. From that position she learned to fall forward into a crawling position, and began to (with great effort) crawl forward a few feet. After getting the crawling down in a more coordinated movement, she surprised us by pushing back into a sitting position. And now, just this week, can pull herself up along something sturdy to standing position! I think we are in trouble and she’s going to be walking within the next 2 months for sure, maybe less. At least she will still be too short to reach most things.

We are finally growing out of some of the 3-6 month old stuff, and going into the straight 6 month stuff (which is just a little too big for her) and trying to find as much cold weather clothes for her since she is her daddy’s girl; cold all the time and needs to bundle up like she’s camping in Patagonia! Fleece sleepers, socks or tights, pants and long sleeve onsies are our best friends these days. She is for sure taller than she is wide so the length of her clothes is what she grows out of first.

She generally seems to be a bigger fan of the airy/breathy sounds your mouth can make than the sounds that your lips make. She is finally “talking” a little more though, thank goodness. This whole time she has mostly just made cooing noises, no “mama”, “baba” or “gaga” sounds for her. So she is finally exploring with some of those other sounds.

Very excited about her first Christmas. We got our tree up 2 weekends ago, and it’s sooo pretty! I love all the decorations and already have some gifts wrapped under the tree. We have already learned the “no” word; thankfully she is impressionable and heeds our requests instead of ignoring them. Although she can’t touch, she LOVES the lights, ornaments, and the wrapped presents. She loves paper and so I give her a piece of the wrapping paper to play with. I think she likes the crinkle noises it makes.

We got our Xmas letter out this week, YEA, right on time. We decided to do a huge 4 page letter since this was such a momentous year, and used lots of pics instead of just doing one photo card and a 1 page letter. So any of you who don’t get one by Monday and want to get added to our distribution list, send me your address!

Oh yea and one more thing! She is finally truly sleeping all the way through the night. From 7pm to 6am the next morning, Ryan and I have uninterrupted “us” time. We normally go on a double duty cleaning frenzy, catch up with our shows/movies, or do a project together (like Xmas cards) in those precious hours after she goes to bed and before we do.

6th Month Appointment

Well Aurora had her 6 month appointment. It went well, and she is a happy healthy girl, if not super tiny! She is still in the <3 percentile (hovering just off of the bottom of the charts) for weight, and is 10-25th percentile for head circumference and height. They are not very concerned, since she is maintaining the same arc and is gaining at a consist ant rate. Ryan said they said, "Slow but steady" and that reminded him of me.... turtle, turtle! They gave her her vaccinations, and the regular flu shot, but only were giving the H1N1 to high risk - high risk groups. (So being a baby wasnt enough, you had to be a baby with heart disease or leukemia, etc.) So we will just have to forgo and hope that it doesnt come around to our part of town!

She is getting so good at sitting up on her own now. She can sit up on her own for minutes at a time, back straight - until something causes her to loose her balance then she still falls over, not being able to catch herself yet. She can even sit up without the aid of her hands for stability for short periods of time.

She loves to eat but we still struggle to make sure she drinks enough milk to stay hydrated! At least I'm producing enough at this point. We have not had to give her formula for a few weeks now.

On another note, I am almost back down to pre-baby weight! A bad weekend really sets me back, but somehow I am managing to get back ahead of it during the work week by eating healthy and running twice a week. Just in time too, because I have had some events at work that required a nice suit, which I have not fit for about a year now!

Well, thats all I can think of for now...

6 months already? What's next... sweet 16???

Where does time go? I just realized its been over a month since my last blog entry, and after reading it, WOW has so much changed!!!

Well I’m still pumping away. I had a little stressful period a few weeks ago and my production decreased by 50% - that was really bad. But I got it back up. We have had to supplement with a bottle of formula here and there, mostly depending on how much she is drinking, since my production is pretty much consistent. She is only waking up once now, between 3:30 and 5, for a feeding and sometimes takes both sides, sometimes only one, and tops off at 6 before I pump. Same work pumping schedule (9, 12, 3) and then when I get home pumping at 6 and 9. I have been breast feeding on the weekend, and she is fine with it, so that’s GREAT.

She has been eating the basic 4 for a while now; Apples, Pears, Bananas, Rice Cereal. We have tried Avocado 4 times now, which she HATES. She scrunches up her nose and squishes it around without swallowing like she is eating something really gross. Well they say it takes up to 10 times to like a new food right? She loves Sweet Potatoes too (thanks to Nicole for sharing her batch with me). She is eating so much too! Diane (our sitter) is feeding her 5 tablespoons of rice cereal and 2 cubes of food for breakfast every day. No wonder she isn’t as hungry for us in the evenings. Still drinking 20-28oz of milk a day. My guess is she is close to 12 lbs, so we will see at her 6 month appointment, on 11/6.

It is amazing how active she is now. We did end up getting the rainforest jumperoo, and she thinks it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. She loves playing, but mostly sucking on her soft toys, especially her stuffed frog with the bee in the middle. She rolls over comfortably both ways now, and is even starting the army crawl. She gets frustrated when she can’t quite move to where she wants, and voices her frustration at her current situation by arching her back and whining. She can sit up too! (Not on her own, but can stay if propped up)


And miss giggles:


A few miscellaneous things… we moved up to the 6 month old pacifiers some time back, move to size 2 diapers, got a sippy cup for water which she is having fun practicing with (AKA beating her head with), moving into 6 month old sleepers (since her legs are so long she doesn’t fit in her 0-3 too well anymore). She loves watching me brush my teeth so I give her her own to hold while I brush, and I put a little fleck of the toothpaste on her lips so she can associate the taste with brushing. No teeth yet though! Definitely not “talking” yet, just lots of elongated “ahhhhhh”s and “ehhhhhhh”s.

We changed our Halloween costumes after Party City not having the baby bunny one in her size in stock. She is now going to be a flower (green sleeper with a flower hoodie), I’m mother nature, and Ryan is a gardener. Although we did find a tiny set of fairy wings in a store the other day that just about made me cry they were so cute. They were like $30 though so there was no way… I am REALLY looking forward to our Halloween Party on Sat; it’s the one big party of the year that we go all out for and everyone has a great time. And this year with all the little babes dressed up, its going to be the best! We will have to get a group pic of the kids: Rory, Luke, Boston, Keira… am I missing anyone???

Happy day though, I am almost back down to pre-prego weight! Wahoooooo! It’s so nice to be able to fit in most of my old cloths again. Although my body has for sure changed shape and there are some things I don’t think I will be able to wear again, I like my new “woman” body and feel really good about it. I’ve been running twice a week and that really helps; it’s great for the mind, spirit and body. I feel guilty about it sometimes, but I really need that time for myself. I get Tu Th for it and then Ryan gets to ride his bike to work on M Wed.

Well that just about catches us up… I sure hope I can get on here more often!

Growing Before Our Eyes

How time flies!!! My co-worker brought in her 2 week old yesterday and it was crazy to see a newborn; made me realize how TINY Rory was just a short while ago, and how much she has grown since then. (Since all I was concentrating on was how little she is in comparison to all the other kids her age.)

I have given up trying to breastfeed during the day/afternoon because I was prolonging pumpings hoping to bf and then when she wouldn’t I would miss out on whole pumping sessions, and my production went down. So I’m back on schedule; she wakes up for her early morning feedings and I can get in anywhere from 2-3 of those before leaving for work. I pump for the first time right before leaving after her last morning feeding, (around 6am) and pump every 3 hours for the rest of the day for a total of 6 pumpings. Before that last 9pm pumping at bed, I can sometimes get her to bf for it. I’ve also started taking fenugreek to help with supply. All in all I can get anywhere from 12-16 oz pumped each day (plus whatever she is getting when she bfs). Which should be enough, especially considering we have started her on food too (rice cereal first then bananas, which she LOVES).

But she must be going through a crazy growth spurt because she recently began waking up as early as midnight for a feeding again, then every 2 hours after that till morning. And she is not satisfied with just a bottle (no matter the size) at night; she needs rice cereal to be content. With her added hunger, I have not been able to produce enough; last week we used 2 batches of frozen milk, and last night we supplemented with a large bottle of formula. She seemed to be fine with it; I tasted it and thought it tasted stale and gross; breast milk tastes WAY better! I don’t mind a bottle of formula every now and then as long as she is getting mostly breast milk. Boy is this tough! We will see how long my production holds out. I’m hoping to be producing for her for up to 2 years old, but we will see.

She is so active its crazy; she chews on her feet all the time, and is not pacified to just sit anymore; she wants to be playing, and entertained. We are looking around to get a rainforest jumparoo; from what I have read and heard kids LOVE them and apparently walkers actually hinder development for walking.

I came up with awesome Halloween costumes too (thanks Lindsey and Melissa); Ryans going to be Hef (he already has that so he doesn’t need to buy anything), Ill be a playboy bunny and Rory will be a baby bunny! (And meaningful, since Ryan calls me his honey bunny and Rory his baby bunny). Im excited to get pictures taken of her. :0)

I know there is more to update on, but I don’t get around to posting often enough and by the time I do post I have forgotten what I wanted to post about! Ahhh, mommy brain.

Clone Wars

Above: Rory at about 3 months, and then me, at 4 months.

Ryan told me the other day, "You just went and cloned yourself... what the hell did you need me for?"

She HAS grown...

I LOVED Laura's idea of the same clothes to show how much our little ones have grown, so this is my version: At 4 days old and 4 months old.

My Birth Experience

Here are the links to the program with Rita Wagner and Loralyn Cross.

Details: http://www.patientpower.info/webcastdetails.asp?dateid=8/17/2009&webcastid=UCSD081709

Stream: http://patientpower.info/stats/Redirect.asp?SID=UCSD081709&HAT=M3U

Download: http://patientpower.info/stats/Redirect.asp?SID=UCSD081709&HAT=MP3

Our Little Peanut

So the 4 month old check-up on Friday went well. (Or so Ryan told me) She is still off the bottom of the charts; 23.5 inches, 10lbs, 6oz but they are not too worried since both Ryan and I were very small. I was always 5-10 percentile, and Cheryl says Ryan was 5-10 as well all the way through (and that was “adjusted” since he was so early they were taking his percentiles from his due date to give him a head start; so if they were not adjusting it he would have been off the charts like she is).

However, they do want us to start rice cereal early. So we did the first feeding on Sat; it went great and she loved it. We made it too thin and so my Mom was shoveling it in and holding the bowl below her chin to catch all the baby dribbles, it was a huge mess, but so much fun. We caught it on video. My Mom and Wayne had come over to babysit for that night so we could go to Wicked with Ashley, Dylan and her Mom. Well their sitter bailed on them so Wayne and my Mom ended up watching Boston too! I was so proud of them, they did such a great job and everyone was really appreciative of the date night opportunity to go out.

It’s so amazing to see them grow and develop right before your eyes. Aurora is now grabbing her feet and kicking like crazy. You would think she was going to loop them behind her ears they go so far up! She is very happy and smiles and coos all the time, but not so much laughing out loud going on. But my Mom says I didn’t LOL so much either.

The swaddling is now a thing of the past; she is happy as a clam in the bassinet all hanging loose, which is good since this crazy heat wave has it only dropping to like 80 degrees by the time we go to bed. (I think she would die of heatstroke if we had to swaddle her up).

She has kept the same night/feeding schedule; bed by 9pm and waking up ~3am for a feeding, then another when we get up at 6. I do love those morning feedings, because my jugs are the fullest and she feeds so well and its really wonderful quiet bonding time with her, even if I am half asleep. I am a little concerned about my milk production though; over the last few weeks I’ve dropped from being 3 day bottles ahead (we are storing each days worth of milk in 12 oz beer bottles) to only having 2 ahead. Luckily I have like 5 days of milk in the freezer, but I am pumping more often and started Fenugreek this weekend to see if I can up things. She is taking in more overall, since she mostly takes 4oz bottles now at each feeding instead of 3 and I just need to produce more to adjust!

The dog days of summer are coming to an end and this is the time of year that gets you thinking about the holidays; Ryan’s bday in Sept, mine in Oct, then Thanksgiving, and Christmas right around the corner… WOW its going to be here before we know it! Its going to be so wonderful, celebrating the holidays with our new family. I can’t wait!

Weaning of the Swaddling & Male Pattern Baldness

Well the last few nights have been a little rough. Since Aurora can roll onto her side now, we need to wean her off of being swaddled to sleep. It is a process, getting them to be able to self settle after self startling (say that 10 times fast). So it has been back to newborn nights for me; up every few hours giving her back her pacifier when she wakes up and realizes she doest have it and she’s not all wrapped up safe and sound like a baby burrito (or glow-worm as many of you fondly call it). Good thing is, while she is up, I figure I might as well feed her, since she’s underweight anyway. So I think she’s been getting a little more milk than usual and its good for my production to have more consistent emptying of the milk jugs.

Besides that, while my darling little girl is just as beautiful as ever to me, she has developed male pattern baldness. As if the rat-tail/mullet wasn’t bad enough on it’s own, there is now a distinct bald ring just above it all the way around her head. Unless there is a new hair style coming onto the scene that I don’t know about, the “Fryer Tuck” wasn’t exactly what I had in mind for my sweetheart. What makes it worse is that Ryan has decided that she looks like his cousin, and has now taken to calling her “Phillip”. The other day I had to call him on it, and point out that she was going to think her name was Phillip if he kept doing it. He restricts himself and only does it by accident a few times a day now.

I'm back on the grid...

Well it has been a while… over 3 months actually! After posting my birth story, I battled with the idea of continuing my blog or just leaving it as it stood as a pregnancy blog. Part of me really wanted to continue on, but then as the days and weeks and months went by that I didn’t post anything I thought of all the things I would have to write in to catch everyone up and it just seemed overwhelming. Then I got a few requests from people to continue it, so here I am. I wont pretend to spend a huge effort grandfathering in everything from the last 3 and a half months, but here are the basics and here we go from here on out!

Aurora
Just a little pixie, has been small the whole time. Finally got her out of newborn diapers just a few weeks ago, and just this weekend retired the newborn clothes and got out the 0-3 month stuff. The fancy clothes (dresses with matching panties) all still fit the newborn size. She has fallen off the charts for smallness weight at just over 10 lbs now and head circumference (although its not like she was really far up “in” the chart to begin with), but with height she’s in the 50th-75th percentile. The doctors are slightly concerned, however, considering the fact that she couldn’t be happier and more content, is peeing and pooping just fine and we are trying to get her to drink as much of Mommy’s milk as possible, they don’t really have any other suggestions for us, and are satisfied with the fact that she is gaining, if slowly. And my instincts tell me that she is just perfect the way she is, and not to force her into charts and categories with other babies.

As mentioned, she is the happiest baby on the block; smiling all the time now, and giggling little bits here and there. Her best time is in the morning after waking up. She is so alert and active, ecstatic to interact. It’s a wonderful way to start the day. She’s babbling now too, which is music to our ears.

She sleeps through the night; goes to bed around 9pm and wakes up for her morning feeding at about 4am and goes back to sleep until we wake up to get ready for work at 6. She goes to bed like a charm for the night and for naps; just feed her, change her diaper, swaddle her wind up her “twirly friends” as Ryan calls them (her mobile) and she is off to neverland.

Her eyes are staying blue and I think they are here to stay. Sorry Ryan and Brian, but I won another bet. Her hair is staying sort of reddish-brown, we will see if it lightens up. She for sure has a fryer tuck fringe around the head going on though. Ill have to trim it if it gets to be too ridiculous. I am not about to have a baby girl with a mullet. She does have Ryan’s skin it seems though, which we will jump for joy at if it sticks. Time will tell!

Me
Well I am great. I healed up pretty good, and was walking with Aurora as soon as I could manage. But still really craved my runs. I have been able to take some of them and it feels great. It makes me really sad to take time away from Aurora though, so it’s really a battle to take the time for myself to be healthy but have to be away from her for it. So we go on as many walks as we can during the week for her and Guinness, and I try to get a few runs in during the week. After all was said and done, I had just under 10 lbs to loose. I still have 7 left. It’s a tough process! I am eating really well though when I can (commitment to producing great breastmilk) and that helps a lot.

The breastfeeding thing is going well, though not fantastically. With the introduction of many bottle feedings, Aurora is impatient at the breast when I’m not completely full. (So pretty much anytime that is not the morning feedings where I am full-o-milk). But as long as my boobs produce as much as she needs, I don’t really care. So I pump away. It is a pain in the butt, and I spend over an hour a day pumping (in addition to the time I spend breastfeeding her) but its totally worth it for all of the benefits of breastfeeding. I keep the stats handy about it for motivation: 71% of all children are breastfead in the beginning; it drops to 36% by 6 months of age, and only 17% of children are breastfead by 1 year old. I can see how it is much easier to just move to formula, even if it is more expensive.

I have been back at work for 2 weeks now. It was hardest the 2nd day back. The first day was like a vacation from the house; the second day was realization of the reality of leaving Aurora for 5 days a week. Aurora actually was very pissed at me after my first day out, and went on a breastfeeding strike and was very unhappy with me, but I slowed things down that night, cuddled a lot with skin to skin time, talked to her and told her about work and apologized; she somehow understood and was much better the next day. But now I have a schedule down and am very comfortable with how things are going. We figured out the care thing; Mondays and Wednesdays Ryan’s mom Cheryl is there from 7-9am, then my mom comes and takes over till we get home. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, we have made arrangements with an awesome sitter in Tierrasanta who we love, Diane who lives just down the street on our way out to work. (The previous 2 weeks, our cousins Kimmy and Sheila, as well as Aunt Diana were nice enough to cover those days). Most Fridays Ryan has off due to schedule and furlough, and I will take whatever Fridays he doesn’t have covered.

Well, I think that’s enough for now at least, we will see how long it takes me to come back for round two!

She's Here!!! Aurora's Birth Story

Well, as my psychic powers predicted, Aurora had intentions of coming early. (Ok, so with Luke, Hazel, Boston, Keira and Aurora all earlier than their due dates, I am calling the whole "first borns go late" thing a myth.) Anyway, Monday was my last day of work. Tuesday, May 5th was to be my first day off; 2 weeks before the due date. And before I start my story, let me just say that as much of a planner as I am, I had prepared myself and tried to keep an "anything can happen" mentality going into this. And I just want to thank my amazing daughter Aurora, because she orchestrated the most amazingly timed course of events I could have imagined...

As previously posted, I had noticed changes the evening of the 4th and that morning of the Monday, the 5th and knew she would be coming sooner than later, but didn't know how soon. My wonderful co-workers took me out to lunch at my choice restaurant (BJ's) for my last day of work, and promptly at 12:45pm, just after they served Pazookies for dessert, my water broke - I begin to feel something slide down my canal, which I immediately think is the rest of the mucous plug or something like that... but then it feels like I am peeing in a pool and have no control over it, and water starts to pool in the chair I am sitting in and over the side down on the ground. I turn to Shelly, who was sitting next to me and say, "I think my water just broke." Everybody starts to get all hyped, and ask what we do. I say, "We finish our damn Pazookies!" Knowing that it would probably be my last good meal in a while, and the fact that I was not in active labor yet and it would probably be a long drawn out process, I was in no hurry to leave one of the best desserts ever un-eaten, especially when someone else was paying! So I make a few basic calls (Ryan, my Mom and Cheryl), we finished up, (all the while the janitor guy is trying to mop up behind me probably thinking I am absolutely crazy for acting so nonchalant about peeing my pants) and head out front. Most people would be really embarrassed by this, but hey, what are you going to do? Besides, how cool is that - my last day of work, out to lunch with all my favorite ladies from work, my water breaks and we all have a good laugh, and they get to share that part of Aurora's birth with me. We take a few pics (above) and then head back to the office. I grab the rest of my things at the office (lucky I was already pretty much packed up for the day) and head home to meet Ryan.

I get home, and we call the birth center, since Ryan is concerned that my water breaking requires more immediate action than I am giving the situation (I wasn't in any rush since the contractions hadn't really started yet), and they basically say to take my time coming in, not to rush, but to come in as soon as is comfortable. Take a shower, and we pack the hospital bag. Still not having any noticeably closer or regular contractions (although I was not really paying that much attention at this point - too hyped from my water breaking and trying to pack things up, etc.)

Finally get to the hospital around 3:30pm. My Mom is on her way to the hospital, Cheryl has a dentist apt at 3pm that I told her she might as well go to anyway, and Diana is already there, since she thought the water breaking meant that things were already well on their way (her water didn't break until much further in the labor process and didn't realize they didn't always happen in the same order). Ryan drops me off and goes to park the car, I find Diana and she checks into the birth center with me. They have me strip and find some of the amniotic fluid (which is still leaking little bits here and there) to make sure that is what it was, Ryan shows up somewhere in the middle of this, and then they take me to my room. By now I am starting to get regular contractions, about every 10 min. The floor was empty at the time, so I end up getting one of the two biggest rooms they have there, (which we will need later on in the story).

We get settled, and throughout the afternoon, my Mom, Cheryl, Little Diana, Brian, Blake, Nathan and Melinda all arrive to keep me company as my contractions settle pretty quickly to every 5 minutes, but are completely bearable. Everyone wants to know how far along I am, but since my water broke already and I seem to be fairly comfortable (translation: still a long way to go) the midwives are not going to check on things yet. This is frustrating for everyone, because they all want to know how far along I am! (I can read their faces, and they are saying, "look like you are in pain so they will check you!" What they tell the nurses is that I have a high pain threshold and I could be further along than they think... the nurses don't buy it - I'm sure they have seen it a million times before. One of them says actually women with high tolerance have a harder time with labor, because they are not used to things hurting; and childbirth surprises them and then they have a harder time than people who know they have a hard time with pain and are expecting/prepared for it to be really painful.)

The contractions progress through the evening, and night. At about 2am, they are getting pretty painful, and I am no longer joking around with everyone, or assigning pain scale levels to each contraction. Using my breathing techniques and just pacing around, I get through each contraction as it comes. At this point, I want to get checked. So they do, and she is "low" in my pelvis, I am 80% effaced and 2cm dilated. Great. Still a LONG way to go. But we are all happy that she is progressing. One of the nurses ask me if I want to try taking a shower. This sounds great to me, so Ryan gets on his swim trunks and I walk across the hall to the shower that has been prepared for me. OMG a shower never felt so good. I labor in the shower for 2 solid hours, with my breathing coach, Ryan right there with me. Contractions even stronger, and I get out as they are getting intense enough that I need some massage to deal with the back labor. Cheryl is the only one who seems to be able to massage my muscles hard enough, and of course Ryan continues charge of breathing. (My Mom says that he had every woman in the room breathing per his instructions!) My favorite position for the contractions settles to be bending over the foot of the bed with lots of pillows, Cheryl grinding my back into mush, Ryan in front of me directing my breathing and each of my hands squeezing his two middle fingers like I am on the ride of my life (and incidentally, I am.)

At 5am, I am pretty much beside myself. The pain is extremely intense with each contraction, and I have been laboring for about 12 hours at this point, with no sleep. I am exhausted and decide that I want some pain medication. The midwife says that if I want pain medication, then I can't set up the hydro-tub to labor in (since the meds will make me a little loopy) and I am far enough along its basically one or the other. I think about it for about a mili-second, and opt for the meds. They need to check me to see how dilated I am before they do the IV to administer the meds. Ok, at least we will know how far along I am; 5cm dilated, 100% effaced, she is at station -1! Yay, that means things are really progressing, (at least the pain is not for nothing!). They give me some phenergan (an anti-histamine like a benedryl that can make you sleepy but also helps with nausea) and nubain (for pain - similar to demarol). OMG it's amazing. It really takes off the edge, and after laboring for about 12 hours at this point, all through the night I am so exhausted I fall asleep for about an hour. Ryan does too. Everyone gets a little break... then my contractions wake me back up and it's go time again!

They are manageable now at least - about the same pain level as maybe 2-3cm when I was in the shower... I labor with those for a few hours, and finally start to get the "urge". Which basically at a certain point, in addition to being extremely painful, they are accompanied by the strong urge to go pee and poop at the same time, and push for all you are worth! So not only do you have to get through the pain of the contraction, but resist the urge too... NOT easy. So by and by I REALLY want to push, so we decide to check me again. 9am, I am 9cm dilated and almost ready to go!!! Somewhere in this process the midwife who was there has to leave for something, and the midwife who was called in to take her place is... RITA!!! I am really out of it by this point and am just glad to have her there. I labor some more and I just about can't stand it anymore, and pretty much at one point just want to start pushing, I don't care how dilated I am, so Rita checks me and we are ready to go; I can start pushing!

I ask her what position is best for controlling the crowning for stretching purposes since I know that will be my biggest problem, and she says lying sideways. So I lay down, Cheryl holding up my right leg, and it's show time. I start pushing sometime around 10:30am, Ryan right up at the top of the bed with me letting me squeeze his hands for stability and strength with every contraction. Eventually she is crowning, and man, does it burn! Rita and I try to control it as best we can, allowing the perineum time to stretch and she keeps putting some kind of gel all over and where my skin is turning white (places it is stretching too much and will rip) she tries to give support by "holding" it together, but eventually we just call it - it's not going to stretch any more, and I want that baby out and on my chest! So for a few contractions I just push for all it's worth, feeling like I am taking the biggest crap of my life and here she comes... Rita catches her and then suddenly she is up on my chest - all wet and warm and crying with big strong lungs. A few minutes later my Mom cuts the cord, and I finally have my baby girl.

(This part I only find out about afterward since I was pretty out of it at the time) I am bleeding more than Rita would like, it's not stopping on it's own, and Rita needs to stitch up my 2nd degree tear, so since we have the handy IV, she gives me some pitocin which I guess helps the uterus contract and stop the bleeding. Then she stitches me up (2 internal 2 external from what Cheryl could see) and I get propped up on the bed to feed her for the first time. We don't even get her weighed and measured for like an hour while we are getting good skin to skin time.

Aurora Lynn Cross

Born 5/5/09 at 11:25am

6lbs, 3oz; 19 inches (they said 18.5 but didn't measure very accurately; at the first ped apt a week later she measured at 19.25 so I am saying 19 from here on out.)

Rita said later that Aurora really did me a favor coming early because a few more weeks and I would have had some very serious tearing. (See, I started this whole thing by saying Aurora had it timed out perfectly from start to finish!)

I forgot to mention that there were about 10 people present at the delivery. Let's see... there was of course Ryan, Cheryl, and Rita (we were all on the bed for the delivery) then watching from around the bed were my Mom, Diana, Carol, Nana, Brian - taking the video, Alyssa, Blake - who had a hard time watching his "sister" spread eagle delivering, did I miss anyone??? All I know is that the only people I was really aware of were the people on the bed with me; I call it the snow globe effect. Ryan, Cheryl, Rita and I were all on the bed inside the snow globe delivering the baby, and outside the snow globe watching the whole thing was everyone else. I knew they were there, but didn't really have any concept of who was there or how many, or what they were doing... It was amazing to be able to share that with them, as they wouldn't normally get the opportunity to do so in a "classic" delivery set up at any other hospital. I can't even express my gratitude to the Birth Center staff, who did such an incredible job, or to UCSD for offering such a wonderful program like the Birth Center for people like me who want that kind of experience.

Anyway, I am sorry this has taken me so long to get up, things have just been crazy and I have been trying to spend as much time with Ryan and Aurora as I can before he goes back to work on Tuesday. I'm going to miss him so much! And it's going to be even harder when I have to go back in the middle of July. Well, enjoy the time while we have it, right? More later...

Any Day Now...

Yesterday Ryan and I went cleaning crazy and cleaned from dawn till dusk. Talk about nesting. Didn't get as much done as I would have liked, but got a lot done none the less.

Well last night Aurora was moving like crazy in the pelvic region (way more than normal) and there was for sure something going on in my soft tissues down there that has not happened before either. I told Ryan something was up.

This morning I woke up with pinkish discharge. (Discharge has been increased for the last week but no blood). Me thinks she's coming sooner than later!

Ryan said if she does decide to come tomorrow, she has a sick sense of humor; his. Being as how I am supposed to be watching Boston for a few hours in the morning, Rick, Cheryl, Blake and Alyssa are all going to Disneyland for Cheryl's Bday, and tomorrow is the ONLY day Kimmy didn't get permission to skip out on her finals/classes for the day if I do go into labor...

The Waiting Game

I had my (probably) last chiropractor appointment this week. Carol told me I was her favorite pregnant patient, since she was able to get a great adjustment out of me even as huge as I am. She said normally mobility in pregnant women especially this late in the game is so restricted and you are all swollen she doesn't get much. It felt so great, even though the drop panel doesn't quite drop enough for my whale of a belly. And thanks to my Mom and Grace for their extremely generous gift certificate there (on TOP of everything they did for my awesome shower!!!).

Today is our weekly apt with Rita. I have a long list of things to ask her about...
-I gained 3lbs this week, wondering if that is anything to be concerned about. (How did that happen? It's not like I ate a big chocolate bunny or anything...)
-Started taking Aciphex last week (finally broke down and wanted to try something different for my heartburn than 10 tums a day; better late than never, right?) and it has been WONDERFUL. I even ate a real dinner last night, and was totally fine!
-Wondering how many first time vaginal births DON'T tear? (Or is that some unicorn story??? Do I even have a chance at it?)
-Want to make sure my ongoing cough (for the last 2 months) is still ok if no other symptoms...

Today is my second to last day at work too, Monday being my last. Very strange, it's really here now. Last night, just as I was in bed thinking "Finally, with work out of the way, I can actually get some stuff done" and mentally going through the list of things I want to do before Aurora comes, and literally right then, Ryan says, "Promise me you will take at least a few hours every day to relax, lay down and do nothing, since I know I can't keep you from doing at least something every day." I married a mind reader. Or am I that transparent??? How can I not be thinking of the dirty bathrooms, un-vacumed and un-swept floors, the unsorted and unwashed baby clothes, the piles of stuff we moved out of Aurora's room into the game room and have not organized... Well I will just take it one day at a time and try not to do too much each day.

Last night Rick and Cheryl came over for his semi-annual hair cut, and to give us the video camera that Rick is second-handing to us. [If anyone knows anything about Ryan's dad, we have a phrase with him called "Ricking it" which means he has to have the top of the line of anything he decides to purchase. And when new technology comes out that is better than what he has but his current stuff still "works" just fine... he finds some excuse to give it to his kids and get the newest, latest and greatest. We couldn't be happier or luckier recipients! And having Aurora is like the best excuse in the world for him to pass his camera on to us, and we are super stoked on it.] I want to get in some good prego footage, and some time of Ryan and I together and the house before Aurora comes. Then of course of the whole process of labor and beyond...

So here we are, playing the waiting game, wondering if she is coming next week, or the following week, or... All I know is that I don't think I can possibly get any bigger, more stuffed or more uncomfortable. I couldn't do twins and I think Octo Mom is the most insane person in the whole world. And I could really go for a rootbeer float right now. I'll have to wait until I get home.

Practically 37 Weeks... Full Term!

Well, tomorrow I will be 37 weeks pregnant, which is technically full term. Everything is becoming really real to me now. This weekend Ryan and I did mostly chores, but took some time to relax and enjoy ourselves too. There is still so much to do though! Whatever we don't get done will just have to wait (maybe forever!).

We visited Nicole and Jason for a little bit. I was so impressed with how together they are; very calm, collected, not frazzled or (seemingly) overwhelmed at all, like I guess I picture most parents to be right out of the gate? It is inspiring and gives me hope that while difficult, everything will all be ok and is doable. Luke is too cute, and I got to hold him a lot. It was crazy thinking that he is smaller out of the womb now than Aurora is not yet out of my stomach! Well she will be growing until she comes out so it all depends on when she is ready to come.

May is crazy and there are a number of family events, between birthdays and Mother's Day, it is strange thinking that for each one, I will either be really really pregnant, or have a newborn.

I am totally convinced she will be coming early, I just don't know how much. Last night I had a really hard time sleeping because Aurora was putting so much pressure on my cervix; I couldn't get in a good position and had to get up several times and pace the room a little. And you can really feel her now... I can feel body parts now where before I could never feel anything but a big swollen belly. The cramping accompanying the Braxton Hicks is getting worse and more frequent (good opportunity for me to practice my breathing exercises) and since Nicole only got through a few days of her Evening Primrose Oil, she gave me the rest of hers and I started those yesterday. Now we are into the once a week visits with the midwives, so we will see, things continue to progress!

Too Many Exciting Things at 36 Weeks

Well yesterday marked 36 weeks (not only getting me to the next big number of 8 months, but also only 1 week away from full term if Aurora is born early). There has been too much excitement and I have to say I am overwhelmed! First, last Sat I had my final shower (the my friends and family one) thrown by Grace (and somehow my Mom and Auntie M. along the way too!) It was so wonderful, with soooo many friends and family that I have not seen in such a long time. It was really terrific to see everyone, and I was just overcome with the love and joy showered upon me by everyone. I am so lucky to have such great friends and family!!! Aurora received a ton of wonderful gifts... not only will she be the best dressed princess in Tierrasanta, but she will have with her forever a number of hand crafted and uniquely beautiful items from people who love her, from mobiles, to blankets and hats, to drawings incorporating her name (By the way, Ashley is commissioning out her work so let me know if you want her to do a piece), etc. What special people I know that took the time and love to create these things and give them to Aurora. And... I we got the carseat!!! (Yes, kind of important), thanks to Venissa, Cindie and Nicole.

SPEAKING of Nicole, she had Luke on Monday evening! Her water broke that morning, and after a pretty long day, finally got Luke out of her tummy and into this world. Happy and healthy 5lbs, 12oz and 18 inches long, he has a FULL head of hair, and is as tiny and adorable as can be. So now Aurora just has to choose which boyfriend she wants, Nicole and Jason's little Luke or Ashley and Dylan's Boston. :0) I am so excited for Nicole, and happy that her long journey is over, as she was pretty uncomfortable these last few weeks of pregnancy.

Then there is me... well there have been a number of changes in my body and in Aurora's movement the last week and a half, so to be better safe than sorry I contacted the midwife on call. She had me come on in this afternoon to do a non-stress test, and get an ultrasound to make sure everything was ok. Well, everything is! Thank goodness. The test showed that her heartrate is normal, and she is moving as much as she should be. We could see in the ultrasound that she is head down (already knew that) and was practicing sucking and sticking out her tongue, and look at those nice full lips! (We know what side she got those from). She was practicing breathing ("flexing" her lungs), something that babies in distress don't have the energy to do, and my levels of amniotic fluid were normal. And if she had to guess today how big Aurora is, she would say on the upperhand of 5lbs (almost 6). So it sounds like she will probably be somewhere between 6 and 7 lbs at birth, I would think. SOOOO that was all excellent news! And of course, better safe than sorry. :0)

So now that things are all calmed down, showers are over, social obligations are done for now, Ryan and I are going to keep the calendar FREE for just relaxing, clean up, and the last peace and quiet we will have together for a long time to come.

Top 10 Things I Can't Wait to do Again

10. Look down and be able to see my cooch.
9 1/2. Be able to shave it myself.
9. Have access to an expanded wardrobe.
8. Wear cute heels.
7. Drive home without having to do Kegals.
6. Sleep without an entourage of pillows placed just so.
5. Sit in one position for more than 5 minutes without getting uncomfortable.
4. Laugh or cough without peeing my pants, literally. (Yes, thats what the pantyliners are for besides uber amounts of discharge. TMI? Too bad.)
3. Eat a big huge burger and fries at 7pm and not worry about it coming back up and choking on it in my sleep at 11pm.
2. Go for a run at black's beach, get all sweaty and get my heart rate up.

And, the number one thing I can't wait to do again.....

1. Have GREAT sex again.

Smiles at 34 weeks

Well there is no doubt that I am pregnant now; I have long passed the questioning "Well she sure looks pregnant, but you never know and I'm not going to say something and be wrong" looks and now have moved into the "Wow, due any day now, huh?" outright comments. "Nope, still have 6 weeks to go." I reply... and to that, "Jeez, you sure you don't got twins in there???" lol. Yeah lady, I'm pretty sure they would have caught it at the first or second ultrasound, or heard multiple heartbeats with the doppler at any of my last 6 appointments. But thanks for asking. :0)

But I am glad at least you can tell. A friend was telling me that someone she knew was 6 months pregnant and you couldn't even tell; she was so excited for the baby bump, and for people being nice and smiling and holding doors for you, etc... but if you don't look pregnant, you aren't going to get that, are you? I had not thought of that before. I guess while I am uncomfortable beyond belief, my feet ache, my tailbone hurts, my back is sore, I feel like I have to go pee 24/7 whether I actually do or not and my ribs are numb and tingly anytime I sit down, at least I can share with the world that I am going through this miraculous experience... and I don't even have to say a word for them to know it!

I love the smiles you get; many people don't even say a word, they just see the tummy, look up to make eye contact, and smile knowingly. (Exactly what they are thinking is unknown, i.e. the comic above) However, any joy, however it happens, is a good thing, and if I can make 2 people a day smile just by being pregnant and letting them see me waddle around as such, that is a good day!

(Almost) 33 Weeks

Well tomorrow is 33 weeks. WAHOO! It's pretty unreal to be so close. The wonderful ladies at work are throwing me a shower tomorrow and I am really looking forward to it... and it's crazy to think that I am only going to working for another 5 weeks. And things are so busy with all the recruiting visits we have going, and the stimulus money available for grants, plus the prep for getting everything in order for my leave including the temp who is starting next Monday...

Can I tell you how huge I am??? I almost need arm extensions for anything since my belly keeps me like 2 feet further away than I would normally be from anything. I feel like the bubble boy, but the bubble doesn't encompass my whole body, just my abdomen. Ryan keeps bumping into it and knocking around it, looking down surprised, like "what the heck was that???". It doesn't help that he is like 3 feet above it and can't even really see it from his height. I'm bumping into stuff all over the place too. One of these days the space I try to fit through just won't be big enough and there I will get stuck. I've gotten pretty close. I still try to turn sideways to fit through spaces, even though I know I'm just as wide sideways as I am frontways. In fact, I think at this point I am probably bigger sideways.

And the peeing is crazy. I feel like I have to go all the time, and when I go sometimes a little tinkle is my only reward. The other night, Aurora was resting just right pinching my piping and I actually had to physically move her to be able to get the flow going... geez kid!

Our last childbirth class is on Wed and I am amazed that it has already been 6 weeks since we started them. It was so much fun, and I really liked the couples we met there. We are doing a dessert potluck for our last class (Yummy!) and we are all going to email baby pics to our instructor who will send them around for us all to see, then after all our babies are born we are going to get together for a little reunion!!! I am really excited about that, it was a great way to meet some parents with same aged babies, and you already have a head start in knowing them. We still have a newborn care class this month too and then all our classes are done!

Ok so I have to brag about my wonderful Ryan. I went on a womens retreat with Cheryl (Ryan's Mom) this weekend. It was beautiful up in Pine Valley, and besides it being a really meaningful theme about forgiveness (a topic I have miles to work on) it was just a wonderful weekend, including a great afternoon of playing bridge with Aunt Diana, Nana and one of the other church ladies.

Anyway, there were some things that we needed to get done for baby set up of the house before Aurora comes, and Ryan was going to take the weekend to get some of it done since time is getting away from us now in the final months. All I thought he was going to do was move all the beer stuff out of the bookcase in the den, and get rid of the "beer fridge" in there.

Well when I came home, he really surprised me, because he had done it all!!! He replaced the window blinds in her room (something I really wanted done before she gets here), brought up the rocking chair, put the dresser in place and filled it with all the baby stuff, put up the table that was in the room on the wall as a wall decoration piece, and hung my dad's wreaths that he had made on them, so it looks like we actually have a theme now; natural & nature-y with neutral colors - perfect for us!!!

To make room for everything he took the two bookshelves that were in her room and moved them down into the old den which is now going to be a game/craft/play room, and moved all my scrapbooking stuff, and all the games downstairs too. I already had missed him all weekend from being away from him, then I came home to that and I just was overtaken with so much love for him!!!

I love my wonderful husband!

30 weeks +, going strong!

Well, on Tuesday I will be 31 weeks. Wowza! Things are so crazy busy, I feel like I don't have time to blink! (And I don't have room to breathe, for that matter). I can't believe that March is already half over. I am really looking forward to my next two showers, Nicole's shower, the weekend at the ranch, my easter egg decorating day, Easter itself, there are so many fun events as we head through spring and closer to our sweet Aurora making her exit/entrance. (Exit from her personal heated swimming pool, entrance into the big vast world).

It is really nice though, that this last trimester is going so fast, because, believe me, I am ready for it to be over! Some mothers you talk to just LOVE being pregnant. They are the ones with no symptoms, didn't start showing until they were 5 months pregnant, and at month 9 look like they ate a few burritos. I am not one of them. Don't get me wrong, there is no greater joy than growing the miracle of life, no greater honor than to carry your own and give them everything they need physically for 9 months to one day become a whole human. And it's fun to feel them kick in your stomach, and see the movement happen. Amazing to see the ultrasound and follow the progression of this tiny person who started in your uterus as a tiny grain of rice and eventually develops into a 6+ lb baby to leave able to survive outside the whom... but in general, there are a zillion other things I would rather be doing for 9 months than being sick as a dog in every way imaginable, too hot for comfort, fat as a pig, suddenly complete with cow udders that are very milkable and an ever growing tumor in your abdomen that displaces your stomach, your lungs and your bladder all at once. I don't enjoy waking up having to go pee more badly than I have ever had to before, rolling around for 5 min in bed just trying to get up enough momentum to get off the edge, stumbling to the toilet, managing to find a seat and discovering that a trickle of about 3 tablespoons of pee was what all the fuss was about (reference to the displaced bladder from above). Repeat ~4 times a night. And I am one of the lucky ones. My friends are on the 7-8 times per night schedule. It's not fun to regurgitate my food and drink for hours if I swallow an ounce more than a cup of anything at a time; as far as I know, I'm not a bird and don't have 4 chicks in a nest to feed. When Aurora comes, I will have a full appreciation for the sacrifice that my body has made to create this wondrous miracle, and it will be worth every bit that I went through to get her here.

Oh yeah, and I don't think I will have trouble breastfeeding, which makes me very happy; I can get a few drops of colostrum if I try. And I just couldn't help myself; my curiosity got the best of me, and I tasted it. It didn't taste like much and I didn't have the guts to taste any more. :0)

"Sorry it's Been so Long" Update

Tomorrow marks week 29, the beginning of the 3rd and final trimester. I feel like I have finally made it to the top of the roller coaster after months of agonizingly slow clickity clicks for each "pregnancy milestone" and now as I round the top of the crest the rest of the ride will just flash past me and suddenly I'm going to be heaving-ho in a UCSD hospital bed to get my little girl out of my stomach and into our arms!

Something that has kept me busy among other things, is my crappy prego immune system. I thought my last sickness was just a fluke; a bad cold exacerbated by allergies, but here I am a month later with another just-as-bad of a cold that has had me on my ass for almost a week now, having to admit that I no longer have the immune system of an elephant, and am completely susceptible to any bug or germ floating in my general vicinity that thinks I am just too cute to pass up for a night on the town (and then some). And the fact that you can't take hardly anything makes it pretty unbearable and harder to get over. (So this is what things were like before drugs!) Ok, complaining rant complete.

We started our childbirth classes last week. We are taking the extended 6 week series (Weds from 7-9 = way past my bedtime = I'm going in PJs and no one can stop me). I was pleased with the first one. I don't expect to learn anything really new (and I didn't at the first one) since I have been so religious about reading material - magazines, online articles, all the books, etc. - but I am hoping to get Ryan more involved with the info since he has not been. We spent some time doing some "social" activities with the other couples, which was interesting. One of the activities exemplified the Venus vs. Mars outlooks of women vs. men. We got into those two groups and came up with lists of the best and worst things we have encountered with pregnancy so far. The women came up with one good thing: being able to feel the baby move. The men came up with a number of good things that none of us women even considered a good thing, like bigger boobs. Way to think outside of the box guys. Ryan suggested that he was getting more good food cooked than normal; the other guys looked at him like he was crazy. I guess they are getting more crazy cravings from their women, and having to make late night runs to random restaurants. lol. It was a nice bonding experience for Ryan and I and I am looking forward to the classes to come.

My first shower is already next weekend! I am so excited. I also move into my own office at work next week too, which will be really convenient for when I come back to work and need to be breast pumping. Ryan and I got a lot of "clean up" chores done this weekend, including taxes, paperwork cleanup, general clean up... Things are starting to fall into place, and Aurora will be here before we know it!!!

My Cups Spillith Over

WARNING: This is TMI, so stop reading here if you don't want to hear another one of Loralyn's "I can't believe she went there!" tangents.

Have I mentioned my boobs are out of control? When my Mom (who before her mastectomy and breastlift hung to her waist without a bra to hold up her DD sized boobs) told Ryan that she used to be as big as me before having Skye and I, he did NOT believe her one bit. He didn't think there was any way that I (a VERY padded C, and only a C because I am wide around not because I am huge in the cups) would ever get to be a DD just from kids. However, now that I look like a porn star with fake melons when I wear my old bras and have more piggy-pink colored stretch marks grasping as far across my chest as they can reach, he is a believer. And he is very scared for what a second pregnancy further do to them. I told him it was ok, he could just get me a boob lift for my 50th birthday. At least there are no stretch marks on my tummy yet. And I probably won't get any; my Mom doesn't have any.

Oh, and I am sick of telling people YES I am putting coco butter on my tummy and boobs. Yes it helps with itching and dryness, but NO it does not prevent stretch marks. It just depends on how much weight you gain in a given time and how well your skin can stretch to accommodate, which is genetic.
http://www.babycenter.com/0_stretch-marks_1352276.bc

Anyway, while I will never again be able to "legitimately/appropriately" wear a tank top braless ever again (and even pre-pregnancy some of my family members would question my definition of legitimate/appropriate), at least I now have a little cleavage for low-cut shirts/dresses, which I have been taking FULL advantage of.

The Countdown Begins

Tomorrow marks 26 weeks... and suddenly it seems like (as my friend Laura has said) the count of how many weeks pregnant you are in the beginning that is such a big deal week after week transforms itself to a countdown of how much time you have left; only 3 more weeks left of the 2nd trimester/only one more appointment until they are every 2 weeks/ less than 4 months until Aurora will be here!

The gestational diabetes screening went well; results were normal, yea! My friend Nicole had to do the 3 hour one but just got those results today and hers were normal too, double yea! Ryan and I were worried for a mili-second about the AFP results that I had gotten at Kaiser, but UCSD finally has all of my records safe and sound and Rita had a chance to look them over and left a message for me on Friday saying that "on paper, you look like a rock-star!" That made me feel really good.

The basketball in my stomach continues to grow, making simple everyday activities less simple. I don't make it off the bed on the first try all the time, and people are starting to make fun of me waddling. At least I can still zip up my favorite sweaters and jacket. Hopefully I don't outgrow them before the winter is over, I really don't want to spend money on sweaters and jackets that I may or may not need in my next pregnancy. I mean, with my metabolism the way it is right now I hardly need more than a long sleeve shirt in most situations anyway. (Still sleeping with one throw blanket; on colder nights, its time to wear pajama pants).

Ryan is being really wonderful and we have been enjoying a lot of time together lately. REI has not been scheduling many hours for him (bad for the piggy bank, good for time together), and in an uncharacteristic break, our schedule has been free from many social/family obligations most weekends, allowing us to plan some small things last minute with friends and family but still having plenty of "us" time. I feel like I am falling in love with him all over again in the pregnancy. I am just overflowing with love for him, the wonderful father he is going to be, and the amazing miracle of life we are about to bring into the world and into our family.

I love Rita!!!

(Almost) 25 weeks. Friday was wonderful; the visit with Rita went sooo well and I love her! Since it was Ryan's scheduled Friday off, he was able to go too, which was really nice. Rita is young, full of energy, very outgoing and so nice. She took lots of time with us and gave personalized care; it didn't feel like a scripted appointment. They didn't get the hard copies of my Kaiser records over from Perlman where my first UCSD appointment was, so she didn't have a lot to go on, but they should have them by my next appointment, which is in 4 weeks, also on a Friday that Ryan has off, so he can go again! (Yea for Friday appointments that Ryan can go to.)

Next testing is the gestational diabetes, where you drink a dose of sugar and see how crazy your baby gets within an hour. (Actually you drink it then they take your blood an hour later to check for diabetes, since they dont want you to end up with a 10lb baby because of it!)

I did more cleaning of Aurora's room over the weekend, went through all of my memoirs and sorted them out, it was crazy seeing some of those things that I have not looked through in years. Like actual letters I got from people I met at like 6th grade camp and the summer at USC and trips like that, as well as those just from HS. (Yes, back in the day when we actually wrote REAL letters!!!)

It's all starting to come together, as we get closer and closer...

6 Months and Counting...

Well today marks 24 weeks! Crazy to think 6 months has come and gone since this whole baby thing started. I look at all I have gone through physically & emotionally, and all I have learned and researched and in some ways it seems like more than that, some ways far less...

Ryan and I went to the "Meet the Midwives" presentation at UCSD last night. My midwife, Rita was not there, since she is on vaca in Mexico this week, but it was really great. I kind of made this whole decision to go the BC (Birthing Center) route without really discussing with him, so he had a number of questions and concerns that he was hoping to have answered. They did a great job. They presented a slideshow, then the head of the program spoke a little about it, then each of the midwives introduced themselves, and answered a FAQ, then they opened it up to Q&A. All of Ryan's questions seemed to be answered, and then they did a tour of the facilities.

I AM SO EXCITED; I almost can't wait to deliver, I am so excited about the whole thing. First of all, it completely secured how I felt about the decision. Basically what their whole thing is, is that they specialize in normal deliveries (and their experience and training is as such), and that physicians specialize in high-risk or abnormal deliveries, and that they all work as a team for the best outcome for you and your baby. And the two priorities are 1. to make sure the baby is ok and 2. that the experience is as positive for you as it can be. I just love that. It is such a stark difference from the glimpse of care that I received at Kaiser for the first 5 months; the RN who saw me there was nice enough, but it was very clear that it was just business as usual when she saw me, and she was following through the daily motions, and I was just another person moving through there; no personalization of care at all. The BC at UCSD is so obviously different, just from the initial apt with the RN at Perlman and from this presentation; you are an individual person, with individual needs; and they concentrate on the here and now with who you are and what you are going through, not on the next person in line behind you. The rooms are so amazing too; they are as large as a large bedroom, not a closet like most hospital delivery rooms, and have a more "home like" feel, so there is more space to move around, you can have more friends and family there if you want... I just cant stop saying enough about it; it is truly the only BC of it's kind in Southern California. Check it out if you want, http://health.ucsd.edu/women/child/facilities/center.htm

So my first apt with my midwife Rita is on Friday. It is one of Ryan's scheduled Fridays off, so he will be able to come, which I am super excited about. The appointments start to get more frequent at this point (every 2 weeks soon, then at some point they go to every week) it will be here the next time I turn around.

Other than that, last week I was dealing with some serious allergies/cold/congestion. It was about the most miserable week for sleep so far in the pregnancy; between my heartburn and my congestion, I was tossing and turning every 10 min it seemed like, and between getting up to go to the bathroom or take more tums or blow my nose, I dont know how I got enough sleep to make it through each day. But I made it through, and besides some residual congestion (which I dont think will go away now, I think this is just plain old pregnancy congestion), I am back up and running... or at least waddling quickly. Less quickly the bigger my tummy gets; small tasks like putting lotion on my legs or putting on shoes and socks are becoming more and more of a feat. Can't wait until I am twice as big!

Named

Well Ryan and I finally decided on the name, and our little girl is going to be Aurora Lynn Cross. Ella coming in at #17 on the top baby names list of 2008 kind of sealed the deal for me. That being said, Aurora has been moving around, letting me know that she is having fun exploring around. I can even see my belly move if I look at it when she is moving. Ryan doesn't have the patience to wait for 30 seconds for it, and thinks I am making it all up in my head and figures he can just wait until she is "really" moving in a few weeks and he can feel and see her then.

Now that we are past the "basic" baby books (what to expect when you are expecting) I am moving on to the advanced ones on techniques, theories, etc. I am currently reading "On Becoming Baby Wise" which was recommended by one of our faculty at work here, and it was also recommended to Nicole by someone. It is loosely a book on getting your baby on a schedule for sleeping, eating and wake time, ultimately to get them to sleep through the night as early as 8 weeks old. The underlying theme is based on parent-directed behavior, not child-centered or parent-centered. So the focus is that baby is a wonderful addition to the family and that parents take cues from baby but also that baby takes cues back from you too. A family with a strict and ridged schedule with no room for flexibility is not ideal, nor is a family centered solely around the baby with no structure. I am very excited about it and think that it will not only be a lifesaver since we will be working parents and a schedule will be necessary for us to rely on, but also because it is 100% in alignment with the kind of person I want to raise; one who is not selfish or self centered, or is the one who directs every move the family makes, but instead one who understands the meaning of family, and is a happy, content and contributing member of our family. It is amazing to realize that you can can start teaching those kinds of values so young in their life with something as simple as a sleep/eat/awake time schedule.

Recently, as I have been getting recommendations for books, reading up online, finding studies, etc. it dawned on me how scary of an experience having a baby can be for someone who doesn't have any resources... no one to give them advice, no books to read, no google bar to type in whatever thought or symptom pops up for that day. For instance, my Mom. She was a 30 something woman who on a whim bought and moved out to the ranch, in the middle of nowhere to up and run a property. And before she really has it all figured out, she gets pregnant with her first baby. The father is a free spirit, one not to be held down, and one who has no real experience or support to offer his "partner" (if you can even call it that; he was more like a sperm donor at the time and has been a wonderful but non-traditional father figure my whole life). She has no close friends to rely on, or at least any that are within a 10 mile radius for help. Her own mother is estranged and lives on the opposite coast, and is not exactly "open minded" to her lifestyle and choices (the same mother that told her that she should never have kids since she couldn't even keep a fish alive). There is no such thing as the Internet, no easy access to recent studies or sites to have any number of books delivered within days to your doorstep. So with nothing more than a copy of what to expect and a book on spiritual midwifery, she goes through pregnancy and birth and has me on her own. WOW. What a woman. Here we are this day and age being bombarded with advice and info, and all we have to do is pick and choose what we want to accept and what we think is best. Imagine not having any of it, and how scared you would be NOT having that. I am so confident as I go through this because I have read every book, gone to every website, and investigated every study done on every topic that has to do with pregnancy and childbirth. It makes me realize how blessed I am, but also makes me appreciate so very much what people like my Mom may have gone through to get us here.... So here's to you Mom, a big thank you for getting me here and helping to create who I am today, in the face of the unknown!

Big Long Update

Week 22 (as of Tuesday). Well it's been a while, this might be long... I have been meaning to get something up, but things have been pretty busy at work and home since we got back in full swing after the holidays. And I feel like it's been a bunch of little things, not any one of them enough for a whole entry. So here they all are.

First of all I dyed my hair. For all the haters, http://www.pregnancy.org/article/dying-change-hair-color-and-your-pregnancy. I used a no ammonia, semi-permanent dye. I went back to my "roots" (or at least my Dad's) and am once again a redhead. I probably match Nicole pretty good, but mine does have that bright funky look (aka fake). I love it, I think it brings out my eyes, which are usually too dark blue (more of a grey blue) to look really nice.

Christmas was fun; our little girl got her first gifts. She got a blanket that Cheryl got before we knew the sex so it is neutral colored, a crib set as well as a picture frame and a bunch of adorable clothes from Venissa and more clothes from her sister Cindy. Along with the little collection of stuff that Blake and Alyssa have already given us, we really needed to make some headway in the baby's room. So we finally got rid of the bed (FYI, if you ever want to get rid of something, post it for free on Craig's List... within LITERALLY 30 seconds of posting the bed, there were 3 people calling us about it, and while I was getting back on the computer to delete the posting 2 more people called and someone emailed me.) That sort of spurned a cleanup burst, and our good family friend Steve came over and cleaned our carpets to give us a "clean start". So now we have some room to work with and need to finish sorting out all the rest of the room and the stuff in it, find places for it all somewhere else in the house and go from there.

We registered at BabiesR'Us this last weekend too. That was an experience. I took insisted that Cheryl come with us, even though Ryan wanted to do it on our own. Thank God I had her along, because I would have A. Been lost with what to get (even if you talk to your friends and stuff, it is not the same as going down your checklist of items and having someone right there with you to figure it all out), and B. Would have registered for 5 items in the 2 hours we were there. So it was really good that she came! We figured out the carseat/stroller system, the breastpump/bottle thing, and a lot of basics. We still have a lot to do, but it's at least a start. Anyway, I was really really tired after all this and by the time we got to the furniture section, there were the glider/rockers. I sat down and sank into heaven. Now I was at odds with myself because for my birthday, my Mom had brought down the family solid wood old-school rocker that her and my Dad had used for me, and I had wanted to use it and keep it in the family, etc. Well after sitting in these modern gliders, my body said, "Screw you, this is where it's at." all the while my heart said, "That glider has no sentimental meaning!" Well I ended up deciding that at 3am when I am trying to breastfeed the baby, my heart will be asleep still, and my body will be very angry after a few months if it doesn' t get it's way, so I broke the news to my Mom (I was surprised she was so understanding) and will be sending it back up to the Ranch, and registered for the glider. It will always be there for me at least.

Moving on to baby showers... so excited! After talking with Cheryl about it, we realized there were like 70 people all from different groups, which is way too much for one shower, even a lot for two, so I made up a spreadsheet of all the groups and how many people were in each. We grouped them together in the best way that made sense, and ended up with 3 groups, all 20-25 people each. Awkward, but I had to ask some of my dear friends if they would throw 2 of them, since Cheryl couldn't do all 3 and I was afraid everyone would think someone else was doing one then nothing would actually happen. Lucky me, they were happy to do so, so it is all set now! Cheryl will be doing the shower with her side of the family, Melinda will be doing Rick's side of the family, the ladies from the Medical Center and some ladies from Cheryl's church that know me from the yearly women's retreat, and the 3rd shower for my family and my friends will be planned by Grace (with help from my Mom). I am so happy. March and April are pretty much all filled up now, between all the showers and other events, so the next few months will FLY by.

Then we get to the healthcare front. I switched to UCSD, and had my first appointment last week. I was sooo very happy. It was with a wonderful RN over at Perlman. It was completely different from Kaiser. First of all she took a lot of time with me, went over my records, made sure to answer any questions I had and really made the visit feel personalized. Kaiser (although the RN I was seeing there was very nice) made me feel like just another number, and the visit and how it was handled was clearly "assembly line". My last apt with Kaiser was actually really disappointing; they told me I was gaining weight too fast based on one weigh in at 14 weeks and then this one at 20 weeks, and didnt ask me anything about my diet or exercise before she told me that. I had to remind her that we had the results back from the second big blood test, and also had to remind her that I was switching to UCSD and needed my records. Back to UCSD, the RN was wonderful. The big thing that came out of the appointment was that I didn't realize I really had to choose between the birthing center and picking a midwife, vs. a physician and delivering in labor & delivery. After talking it over with the RN, I still definitely wanted to go with the birthing center. When it comes down to it, my baby is the number one priority, but if my pregnancy is healthy and normal, I want to experience it as raw and natural as possible, at least this first one. I want to see what it is like as it was meant to be. I may make a different decision for subsequent children I birth, but if I didn't do it this way this time, I would always wonder and be disappointed I didn't take the opportunity. Cheryl was with me for this appointment, and we ran into Cory, one of the wonderful lactation nurses at UCSD that we know and love and she made some suggestions for great midwives in the center. Over the next few days, I signed Ryan & I up for some classes, found out when the next "meet the midwives/tour the birthing center" event was and scheduled my first apt with my new midwife, Rita. From everything I have heard from everyone she is high energy, and really wonderful. I think it will be a great fit. I will have to go down to Hillcrest to see her, but that is a small price to pay for good care. My next scheduled apt with UCSD is at 24 weeks, and it is with Rita so we will see how it goes!

Oh, and important to note, I have for sure been feeling her move and kick the last week and a half. It is really wonderful, like my own little inside joke with her (pun intended.) She isn't as active as Luke is for Nicole (maybe it is the difference between boy and girl, or maybe she is just destined to have a night owl for a child and our little girl is just going to sleep all the time like her Daddy) but I can't wait until Ryan can feel the movement and can share it with me.

Well I think that pretty much gets me all caught up. Ok I don't want to go that long again, it is past my bedtime and Ryan has been complaining about the "clickity-click" for the last hour. Good night!

No such thing as sympathy weight gain...

So Ryan has decided that there is no such thing as sympathy weight gain for the father of the expectant baby...

We were at the mall on Sunday morning, and we needed something to eat before heading up to Temecula for Keira's 1st Birthday Party. We went to McDonalds, and I knew I wanted fries, but the big mac also looked pretty good, so we got the 2 big mac deal with fries to share. I took a few bites of the burger, but it didnt taste as great as I thought it would so I pushed it off to Ryan and stuck with the fries.

Ryan looked at me incredulously and pointing at the burger said, "What is this??? Ok there is no such thing as sympathy weight gain, it's all this!" Later that night I proceeded to taste 3 different kinds of cookies, none of which tasted good enough for me to finish and ended up in Ryan's stomach instead. Obviously there is something to his theory! At least I don't have to worry about my husband starving... :0)

It's a Girl!

Wow, the last few days have been a whirlwind! Tuesday started off with the marker of 19 weeks pregnant. Ryan and I both had work, and were getting off a little early to head to the big US, which was scheduled for 4:30. First of all I had to have a full bladder (Drink 32 oz of clear liquid 1 hour prior to the apt) which is really hard to tell a pregnant woman to do! We got to Kaiser and found the ultrasound department down in the basement. The rad tech was really nice, and started the US taking all these measurements and pictures of the baby, labeling different things. After like 15 min I am thinking "ok, how long is this going to go on???" I guess there are for more things they are looking for to make sure the baby is developing properly than just "penis or vagina?" Fine with me, but I really have to go pee, and sliding this stick around my stomach with moderate pressure doesn't help things! She did let me go pee after about 20 min (I guess the full bladder not only holds the intestines out of the way but also sort of holds the baby in place, less room for her to wiggle around while they are trying to get certain shots and measurements.) I felt sooo much better after that. The tech was pointing out all these things like the bladder that looked to me more like bad film footage circa the 1960's of a smoke stack than a baby or baby parts of my future child.

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So we finally get to the place where they show the bottom side of the baby. (Like you are sitting the baby down on a copy machine), and she is saying, "there are the legs, there is the butt, there is this, that, blah blah blah" all the time my heart is ready to bust through my chest and I am sure that I am going to have a heart attack and I am about to yell "come on lady, what the hell is it???" and she says, "well it looks like a girl to me!" and explains that if it were a boy, there would be some kind of lump between the legs signifying a penis or testes, but the absence of that in combination with the white lines around the crotch area looked like labia to her, so she was about 85% sure it was a girl. Of course there is a possibility that there are boy parts there we are missing. (When I showed the US pictures to Cheryl and told her this, she said, "Oh yeah, its a girl. If it was any son of Ryan's you would be able to tell, trust me!!!" And I can attest to that... ;0) However, it is possible "he" takes after my dad, and then... well we will just say all bets are off.)

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*Some Details*

-Heartrate: 147bpm

-12 oz (big girl! I am glad she is gaining her weight, bc I am still on the low end of weight gain)

-~15 cm, or ~6 in

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Anyway, we are walking out of the hospital, and I ask Ryan if he is surprised at all... because the whole time I thought it was a girl, and everyone else had their opinions, but he really wasn't willing to guess. He stopped, looked at me like I was crazy, and said very seriously, "Really? You are really asking me that? With your hostile uterus? Come on, Loralyn. Your uterus had a checkpoint set up with big pushy bouncer-women who only let female sperm into the party inside with proper forms of id. All male sperm were turned away at the door. And you think there was any chance it was going to be a boy?"

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In all honesty though, I think that a girl will be best for us. I have a special bond with my Mom because of the way I was raised (for any of you who don't know I was a love child, and my Mom wanted a child so "arranged" it with my Dad and raised me on her own, just the two of us until I was 9 and she married my step-dad,) so having a daughter would mean something different to me in a nostalgic way. And for Ryan, who is a very a-typical man (no, I did not say a-sexual) who is not into baseball, football, loud music and big trucks in the way most manly-men are, I think a girl to start with will be better... there will not be the "pressures" to teach and foster the first Daddy and son "let's play catch" moments, etc. He can get practice with a girl for the basics of kids and children (feeding, dressing, bathing, friends, school, etc.), then if our next is a boy he can figure out all the boy stuff instead of having to deal with those basics at the same time.

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Ok, so the next step (since Nicole and Jason already bought theirs which is a sure sign and because next week is halfway through the pregnancy and it's all starting to get pretty real for us,) is to find a suitable sleeping container for her, since I think they might call CPS on us if we use one of our spare rubbermaid bins...

Blue or Pink?

Ok so Laura put up a post with all the wivestales and the results, headed into her big US this week, and I thought it was fun so I am copying her! (Sorry Laura!) As for the results, the jury is still out, as these show 11 Girl, 8 Boy... about the same percentage as the voting results!

1. Heart rate over 140 bpm - GIRL
3. Carrying high(ish?) - GIRL
4. Carrying out front & round - BOY
5. Not craving salt (actually having an aversion to it) - GIRL
6. Tons of morning sickness - GIRL
7. Ring test (side to side) - BOY
8. Chinese gender test - BOY
9. Lots of headaches - BOY
10. Cold feet - BOY
11. Dad not gaining "sympathy" weight - BOY
12. Color of urine - BOY
13. My face not rounder and rosier - BOY
14. Craving fruit & OJ - GIRL
15. Face is breaking out - GIRL
16. Moodier than usual - GIRL
17. Larger left breast - GIRL
18. Won’t eat the heal from a loaf of bread – GIRL
19. You add your age at the time of conception and the number for the month you conceived and the sum is an odd number – GIRL
20. http://www.babygenderpredictiontest.com/ - GIRL

Turning a New Stone

18 weeks, and I feel SOOOOOOO much better! I am actually eating now (just in time for the holidays). Some stuff still makes me feel yucky just thinking about it (turkey, chicken, large slabs of meat in general) but all in all, I am ok with food again. HUGE relief. Besides the gagging with tooth brushing, some random stuff that doesnt smell right to me and getting too hungry, the nausea has gone away too. And those headaches that morphed into migraines most evenings? Washed away and only bug me a few times a week now. (It only took me a month and a half into the 2nd trimester to get there.) I feel like a WHOLE NEW WOMAN!

I look like a whole new woman too. I'm poppin like a street hip-hopper. I wonder how long it will be before strangers feel confident enough that I am pregnant enough to comment (as opposed to just being fat). Most people think it is rude to ask someone if they are pregnant for the chance that they may not be, but hey, now that I am pregnant, I am thinking it's rude to NOT ask; because what, you think I am this fat just because I got a head start on the holiday meals? I am offended that you think I could look like this normally and it is not due to a 6 inch squirming fetus swimming in a cantaloupe sized uterus! :0)

Anyway, I have been talking to beansprout telling it to show us what it is next week so Mommy and Daddy can call it a he or she, and call it by name and tell all their friends and family... so hopefully it listens so I can stop calling it IT like an inanimate object.

Ok, well the rest of this week will go by really quickly; a lot going on at work, at home (have to get those xmas letters/cards out), so before I know it it will be a week from now and I will be waiting to leave work in an hour to head to the big US!!! Hopefully I dont have to stretch my bladder in a goodyear blimp to get through it like Nicole did... we will see!

Howdy...

17 weeks strong... nothing really new with me, but it's been a while, and I do have news! Nicole is going to have a little baby boy!!! I had a feeling it was going to be a boy, so now with me thinking I am having a girl I somehow feel more secure in my guess. We will see. :0) Less than two weeks now, so it won't be long. My nausea is pretty much gone (still random gagging with various triggers, but I don't think that really goes away totally anyway.) and eating is much better; I can go for longer periods of time without eating, so I am up to eating about every 3 hours instead of every 2 hours (Yes that is a HUGE difference!!!). The headaches are bearable now, esp since I got a beauty mask I keep in the fridge and wear on my forehead when it gets bad; hopefully that was the worst of them. AND I gained weight finally! So I am up 4 lbs total from the beginning. I am keeping track of it on an excel spreadsheet, and have created a graph of it. (Uh, I am Ryan's wife, is anyone surprised???). Ryan has been awesome by the way, doing tons of chores, helping around the house, etc. so the next time anyone sees/talks to him they should congratulate him! It is really helpful and makes me appreciate him so much more. Anyway, I think that is about it... I dont think there will be too much more news until the big US unless I start to feel the baby (should be anytime now) so until then...

Russian Roulette of Symptoms

Week 16. So I feel every morning like I am playing a sick game of Russian roulette with the awful pregnancy symptoms I have encountered. Some days are good, some days are bad. Today, will I get the skull splitting migraine? The "my nose works too good for my own good" nausea? The exhaustion by the end of the day that makes me sad I don't have one of those old person bath tub-spas and a personal attendant to clean me? The "my head is filled with cotton" stuffiness that comes from the increased blood flow to my mucus membranes (didn't someone tell my body there wasn't room for that to begin with?) OR if I am lucky, jackpot, ALL OF THEM!

The migraines are the worst. I am pretty sure they are related to the weather and pressure from the changes from rain to santa anas, 0% humidity to 75%, etc. And it's not like I can take anything for them! (Oh, yes, I can take Tylenol, great. Because that does NOTHING. Might as well give me a placebo pill.) The only thing I can do is go to bed early and hope that it is gone in the morning.

Other than that, I feel much better! Besides the increasing migraines, the other symptoms have been steadily decreasing. I am waiting for me to feel bean sprout in my tummy, should happen any week now! My tummy sure is showing. People have been really good about 'feeling the tummy'. I don't care at all, I'm like, "touch all you want!" but most everyone starts to go for it then catches themselves and asks, "Is it ok if I touch it?", so that is good for all those mothers who DO care.

Another thing. Ryan and I are so not getting into the buying, decorating, planning thing yet... I have cleaned the house a bit, started moving stuff around in the baby's room but we have not purchased one outfit, one piece of baby furniture or had one discussion about baby room theme, color or otherwise yet... and I somehow dont think we will? Does this mean part of my mommy instinct is out of wack? Or maybe our 'cheapness' is coming across and I am pawning it off as being 'practical'. I dont know. I figure I can just throw the baby in a dresser drawer, and wrap her (yes, her I am convinced it is a girl) in scraps of old sheets. Juuuuuust kidding. :0)

Decisions, Decisions... and Opinions!

Isnt' it amazing how strong everyone's opinions are about things during pregnancy? Everything from dying your hair while pregnant to what you should eat and how the birth should go. After all the reading and research I am doing, I have come to terms with it all; as long as the parents are well informed and realize what decisions they are making I am happy! (It drives me crazy when people just decide or let something happen as it will without being informed). I will point out some good resources if I can but after all, its their choice! What with all of these people I know that are pregnant the same time as me, I have mixed feelings about various of their choices about things, but as long as they feel its right for them and their dr agrees, I am happy that they are comfortable with their decision even if I dont agree. And let's face it, it doesn't really matter what I think! It's their choice, not mine!!!

This has been hard for me because I am someone with such strong opinions and I have had to realize that mine is not "right" its just different and my opinion is only right for me and Ryan. I am truely blessed that I am with someone who has the same thoughts and opinions as me on these things; at least I am not fighting with him at all. We sort of go, "I was thinking X" and the other says, "Yeah, me too", OK good, next issue.

I mean with all this stuff, pretty much the deal is that your baby will still be fine, but if you do this or that it may up the chances of this or decrease the chances of that... so it may not even have any effect on the outcome at all!

Here are a few you may know or not know:

• Expectant mothers who eat nuts or nut products like peanut butter daily during pregnancy increase their children's risk of developing asthma by more than 50 percent over women who rarely or never consume nut products during pregnancy http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/114901.php
• Babies born four months before the peak cold and flu season have a 30 percent higher risk of developing asthma http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27839958/
• A study published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition shows that breastfed infants tested 5.2 IQ points higher than formula fed infants http://www.breastfeeding.com/reading_room/iq_study.html
• Children raised in a house with two or more dogs or cats during the first year of life may be less likely to develop allergic diseases as compared with children raised without pets http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2002/08/27/earlyshow/health/health_news/main519978.shtml

Sometimes it does make a difference, so now as parents we just have to weigh the risks and benefits, and try to do what's best for our kids and concentrate on things that are more likely to make a differnce and not sweat the things that are less likely, you know? (I had sprouts once during the pregnancy. Dont tell anyone! lol) I think I am starting [its a long learning process] to lighten up on how much energy I put into caring about other's decisions. And that is a lesson to learn in everyday life, not just in pregnancy.

Fun at the Emergancy Room

So at like 8pm last night I started to get a really bad stomach ache at the top of my stomach and it just got worse and worse so 2 hours later we finally went to the Emergency Room. They took a urine sample, blood, and the Dr. examined me. Since everything felt fine (soft abdomin and I didnt have any sharp pains and it was higher), he thinks it was either something I ate or a stomach bug going around.

They did an ultrasound just to make sure the baby was ok and it was AMAZING. You can see the face, the spine, it was a beautiful profile. Bean sprout was sucking it's thumb and kicking around like crazy. Dr. said the heartbeat was strong, about 155/min. It was nice bc Ryan was there for it this time! I think it made it a little more real to him to SEE something that looked like a little human inside me even though I am not [that] huge yet. I was still in really bad pain so they gave me some morphine while they were waiting for the lab work to come back and that helped (I would hope so, right???). I was worried about taking it but they called OB to make sure it was ok and they said it was. Labs came back normal, but my potassium was low, so I need to eat more bananas he said. We finally got discharged at like 1:30 so I am very tired today.

I am mostly just glad everything is ok! You know everything is probably fine but in the back of your head you wonder what if...

Wahoo, Week 14 Cleared.

We won't be able to tell for a long time, but I really wonder what bean sprout is going to look like. With Ryan and I looking so very different, I always have wondered what traits our children will get. My light skin and eyes? My short & stocky stature? My artistic and social tendancies? Or Ryan's olive skin and dark eyes? His height and slender build? His scientific mind and thoughful nature? It's a true crapshoot. With genes like that, matching of genetic mutations has as much as much of a chance as getting struck by lightening, thank goodness.

.

Yesterday I had another appointment. All that initial genetic testing turned out fine, and they do some more follow up labs next week. My RN said the baby is just where it should be in my abdomen, and while it took her a while to find the heartbeat, when we did, there it was; "Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh". And only one, so I think chances I am just huge because of twins I think are diminshed. My Mom asked how fast it was, and she said about 160. My Mom is now happliy convinced I am having a girl. (Even though the whole heartbeat thing is a COMPLETE wivestale.) However, if true, Nicole and I are both having a girl, since hers is at 160/min too!

I am... the Starship Enterprise

Week 13. I am now convinced that my body is not my own anymore. It is property of the 3 inch bean sprout growing in my stomach. Like a bad made-for-sci-fi movie, some alien parasite found it's new home inside my uterus and is now controling all of my bodily functions. And most of the time what it wants my body to do is not what I want it to do. At least current research has shown this alien bean sprout's time is numbered, and will not need it's host body anymore in another 6 months.

Until then, I deal with gagging at the most common of smells or anything hitting that back region of my mouth, a sense of smell so sensitive that I can smell the shampoo of someone walking in front of me that I can't even see, more than frequent urination, aversion to food in general, sharp pains in my stomach anytime I sneeze or cough (stretching of the muscles from what I understand), and the necessary change from thongs to granny panties. *Note to self* Add to the Costco list; Jumbo pack of bikini cut madinforms.

Still have not gained a pound, yet I look like I've gained 10. I put away all of my "skinny" clothes, since that was a lost cause. This morning I went to put on my fattest fat pants, and they didnt fit. Gave in to the one pair of maternity pants I have. (Yes they fit. Don't laugh, and think "if she's already this big now..." I know you are.)

The good news is that I have gotten a good portion of my energy back, just like they said I would. I can actually cook a meal now, and clean up after it within 24 hours. Good thing too, because Ryan was about to starve to death. I think our neighbors the Kruzes were about done feeding an extra mouth for dinner [when I just wasn't interested, or was perfectly fine with a bowl of cereal.]

I'm thinking about starting up walks, stretching, prego yoga, exercises, kegals... all those fun active prego activities that they say are so great for you. I'll let you know how it goes!

When Will This be Over?

Week 12. Well I don’t feel as weak anymore, but I still feel awful. Food is my enemy. I am gagging over everything and if I go too long without eating, I get sick to my stomach. It’s the worst at night. I woke up at 2am starving. I ate a cracker but it was too late already and I threw up. Dinner was long since digested, so it was just bile and a cracker, but still wasn’t fun! I ate more crackers after with some water and was fine till morning.

They put me on antibiotics; found bacteria in my urine from the last labs. They asked me if I had any symptoms. Stupid question; You mean the increased urge to urinate, not being able to empty completely, discharge and cloudy urine? Kind of like the EXACT same ones as being pregnant???

Still tired by 8pm and going to bed by 9pm. What with the whole food thing though I am getting up earlier though. Good anyway, since I changed my hours at work to 7:30-4. I like the schedule much more. Doesn’t take that much more to get ready in the morning, avoid a crapload of traffic and I get off at 4!!!

I swear there is a baby boom going on though, first there was me and Nicole (who is 2 weeks ahead of me), then I found out my hairdresser is a week ahead of me, and then friends from the Kings River are 2 days apart from me.

I need to go shopping for new clothes this weekend; don’t fit in anything (comfortably at least) anymore. Dresses, tights and uggs will be my friend for the winter time.

Who Stole my Body and Took it Over?

Week 10. Well, doing better… sort of. Started showing at 9 weeks. Bloated and round. Have not gained though; still 3 lbs down from the beginning. I told my Dr. boss yesterday, and the rest of the staff today. Cat’s out of the bag! Also scheduled my UCSD visit for Jan (when I switch insurance from Kaiser).

Still feeling very weak and physically exhausted all the time. Been gagging a lot. Threw up for the first time on Saturday. Not feeling as nauseas as weeks 6 & 7 though.

Can’t wait to feel better, to start cooking, cleaning and walking again. The house is a mess, I miss cooking and I know the fresh air would be good for me.

Doesn't Look Like Much...

Ok so this is it! Doesnt look like much, but it proves it's there. Ryan couldnt make it to this appointment (the first one at 8 weeks) but my Mom came with me. I started talking to the RN about my symptoms and such, and my Mom (God love her) says, "yeah, yeah, yeah, so when do we get to the point where we actually make sure she is pregnant? All of this is just a waste of time if she's not." Both the RN and I look at her like she is crazy. Yeah, Mom, like I am having all these stymptoms for nothing, and the pregnancy test was just kidding about giving a positive reading. I think things were different in her day when preg tests happened at the Dr.'s office, not at home on a strip test. She was also surprised that they did an ultrasound at the first apt too.

BTW, its a vaginal ultrasound (I am sure the little bean sprout is too small to see with a belly US). So pretty much it's a big dildo with a condom on it that is way more comfortable than getting a pap-smear. I'll take the VUS anyday. I wonder if at the next apt they will do one too. I am sure they will do a US I just dont know what kind. I'm sure they will find the heartbeat with the doppler thing. That one is on 11/19. Ryan can't make it bc of work, which is kind of sad. But he will be there for the official US in radiology on 12/23 when we find out the sex of the baby. What a great X-mas gift, right?

First Appointment

8th week, tomorrow is my first apt! I am very excited. The apt will make everything more real to me. The nausea has subsided, but I still have an aversion to food in general, and my stomach is so small! I can eat about half what I used to before getting full and I eat way more slowly. I am being good with my vitamins though so the little one is getting what she needs.

Speaking of she; Erik, Carol and my Mom all think I will have a boy. Me, Ryan and my friend Dave C. think it’s going to be a girl. We will see! I made a $5 bet with Erik.

My clothes are uncomfortable, even though I’m not really bigger yet. I do look bloated though. Every day I can’t wait to just get home and change into a nighty or a tank and sweats.

Ugh, those 2 weeks of morning sickness were the WORST. Hope it’s all over.

Cat is Out of the Bag... Sort Of

I told my boss today. She was very happy for me, and excited too, which was nice! I am a little afraid to tell my Dr. Boss, but we will see how he takes it!

We are Pregnant!

Yesterday I found out that a little bitty thing was busy growing inside of me and giving me strange symptoms that were new to me.

A few weeks ago I was a little hungrier than I usually am, I was getting period like cramps (long before I was due for my period) and my breasts were sore too. Then Guinness was more cuddly than usual. I was supposed to get my period yesterday (9-11-08) and didn’t, so at home Red told me to just take the damn test, the hormones were clearly there. I took it and it was a big fat +. Very +, not a faint line, a strong one. I said, “we are totally pregnant.” I called my mom first who said, “Are you sure? How do you know? It’s too soon, you can’t be sure…” Then Cheryl, who said, “That’s the best damn news I have heard in months!” because of everything going on in her life (Rick, etc.)

This morning I weighted myself at 137, which is 3lbs less than my usual. I took my first before picture. (4 weeks.)

My heart is all a flutter, although I understand a lot of that is increased blood flow to my stomach. Anyway, I CANT WAIT TO MEET MY BABY!

***DISCLAIMER***

A blog is not an unbiased and balanced political column. It is opinion and thought; mine. And a pregnant one is influenced by the barage of hormones going through my system at the time. Anything said about friends or family members is not meant to be hurtful or disrespectful, and is something that I would or have already said to their faces.