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Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Turning Point

I feel like I have regained a part of my former self. Its not much, but its something, and that little bit makes all the difference in the world. Last week, for the first time in nearly a year and a half, I went running. I took my lunch break and did a part of the run across campus and down to blacks beach that I used to do. It was amazing. It was exhilarating. It was energizing. It was freeing. I feel as if I have taken a piece of myself back, seeing as how I have been giving ALL of myself to my family for the last 4 years.

Today I did the same, and it was just as wonderful. I felt like crying out in joy from the street and smiling at everyone I passed. I wanted to dance and wave my arms about as I went along, but the flat parts where I physically could do that were too public and I would have looked like a loony toon, and the parts that were isolated I was otherwise sucking air so hard it was all I could do to not collapse. But it was much easier this second time, and I went further. I plan on doing this at least once a week, and hopefully twice. Once summer comes around Im hopeful that Ryan will put the girls to bed himself and let me cut out at like 7pm a few nights a week to do my run. This way it will be cooler and still a little light out.

It is good timing, as I have hit a plateau with my weight loss and the weight watchers. I have lost 5 lbs total on it, and am currently at about 135 lbs. I would LOVE to get down to 130 and stay there as an average (not getting above 133 after a bad weekend or event). And that isn’t going to happen just with diet alone. Speaking of WW and the diet, its going great. I love it still and I have made some significant changes in our eating habits. Lots more fruits, veggies, salads and soups around, less heavy foods. Ryan is not happy, and has lost weight, but he just needs to make sure that he is getting enough “real” food for his body, since Im concentrating on low fat, low carb meals and dishes.

The girls are great, and we have reached a tipping point. First, the Jeep is coming. They said it would take 4-6 weeks, and this week is the 6th week and it is still in production. So much for their estimate. Ryan and I are very anxious about it and every time I have to manually unlock each of the four doors of the Corolla with my purse, multiple bags and a baby in my arms I think longingly of the day when we will have automatic locks on the Jeep. Every time I get stuck in stop and go traffic and one foot is permanently on the clutch and the other on the gas and my hand on the stick I look forward to the Jeep’s automatic transmission. And each time I have to plug my phone in and strap it to the sun visor to talk hands free while on the road I can’t wait for the Jeep’s top of the line navigation and blue tooth system. And if I am eager, I cant even imagine what Ryan is going through.

Second is that Abby is really stepping it up (literally). It must be all the bigger kids that are around to push her and her inherent personality combined. She is a master of crawling, pulling herself up to standing and even transferring between items. When she gets really excited she flaps her arms about like she is going to take off, which I have likened to Ryan’s act of rubbing his hands together when he too, gets excited. About a month ago (at about 7 months old) I noticed that she was not wanting to nurse right after getting home, and when she woke up for the 11pm / midnight feeding she was not nursing vigorously and not for very long. Between those two things I decided that she was not needing that nursing – even though she still has not taken the bottle since the new year – and set in for a few tough nights of crying it out. It was easier for me than Ryan, and he had to go downstairs (Abby has a ear piercing, screetching cry that when she really gets going, is impossible to ignore). But after those two nights, she had given up on that feeding and was only waking up for the 3-6am feeding, when she actually was nursing well. That was heaven for a week, then she got sick and had a relapse. After that she was not nursing at all for 24 hours, and I realized she was getting too much food. So we stopped feeding her as much for dinner (“only” 3 cubes of food + cereal & milk instead of the same with 6 cubes), and that worked like a charm. She has been nursing much better when I am with her.

And lastly, Rory is just a sweet little dream and is finally potty training! Out of nowhere she just started telling us she had to go potty! So shes on pull ups during the day and diaper at night. Mostly peeing on the potty during the day, much less in the diaper overnight, but still pooping in the pullups/diaper. When you ask her why she doesn’t poop in the potty she says “cause it hard poop in the potty!” I’m assuming that means that the urge to pee is easier for her to hold off on but she takes after her daddy in the #2 department, and when it is time to go poop, there is no stopping it. She’s also really picking up on everything we say, and we have to start watching ourselves. She called me a “stupid woman” the other day when I did something she didn’t like. I didn’t even realize it but Ryan took responsibility for that one; I guess he says that to me often in jest. But its so much fun to engage her in our conversations and talk to her about her day, our day, what is going on, explain things to her and why things are the way they are and see the light bulb go on for her.

So there you have it; ways in our life that are finally coming together and giving us a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel.

This weekend is going to be tough – Ryan is going to Chicago for Blake’s graduation from Navy bootcamp and he’ll be gone from 5:30am on Thursday until Sunday afternoon when I pick him up. I’ll be off on Thursday to take Rory to the Dr but Friday will be getting both girls up and to the sitter for work and picking them up after all by myself. Yikes! But I know that coming back Ryan will 1. Appreciate us girls, having missed us for so many days 2. Appreciate a non-snoring sleeping partner, as he will be rooming with his mom who is the WORST snorer you have ever met 3. Appreciate living in San Diego, as Its supposed to be freaking cold – high of 39 – on Friday (the actual graduation ceremony).

In other news Im so excited my cousin Jay and his wonderful wife Leizel had their baby girl, Lila on Sunday. It was so awesome because we had planned on visiting them for the day anyway on Sat, and we arrive to find out that she has been having Braxton Hicks since 2 in the morning. They got stronger and closer as the day went on, and it became clear that she was going into labor and would be having the baby that very weekend! We finally had to leave to get the girls and ourselves in bed at 8pm that night, and by then her contractions were only 30-60 seconds long but had gotten about 2 and a half min apart. They ended up getting really intense in the hour after that, and they went to the hospital after that. Her water broke in the early morning, and was fully dilated and ready to push by like 2am. At 3:10am, Lila Henley Spear was born at 7 lbs 15 oz, 19.5 inches long via VBAC. I was so happy for them, proud of her, and pleased to have been part of the experience. I cant wait to spend the next few years with them in San Diego as our kids grow together.